


Of books and late classes

by birdsandmirrors



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Darling Pan - Freeform, F/M, High School, High School AU, Once Upon A Time AU, Some mature content, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:37:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsandmirrors/pseuds/birdsandmirrors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In another world, in another time, they were destined to meet, but never to love. By a twist of fate, they fell under the curse. Now, instead of Peter and Wendy, they’re Gwen and James. </p><p> </p><p>Features Cursed Darling Pan in High School. They don't remember they're Peter and Wendy : they're now James and Gwen. Their relationship, while unexpected, grows in surprising ways, but the ghost of who they used to be might never stop looming over tem...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of books and late classes

**Author's Note:**

> First Darling Pan fic... I'm a little nervous about it, so let me know if you like it, please ? Thank you !  
> Also, I definitely plan to continue this.  
> Contains spoilers for Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë.

_In another world, in another time, they were destined to meet, but never to love._

_By a twist of fate, they fell under the curse. Now, instead of Peter and Wendy, they’re Gwen and James._

Anyone who would take a look at Gwen Berry would believe that she was a perfectly happy, healthy teenage girl. And yes, sometimes, she did feel that way. There were times in which Gwen felt very happy, very satisfied with her life as it was. After all, it was perfect, wasn’t it ? She was pretty – everybody said so. Golden curls, green eyes, thin frame. She was also rather popular – rare were those who didn’t like her, at school, save for a few silly boys. She was a very good student. Straight As.Yes, her life was very good indeed.

But sometimes, she felt as though this perfection was like a coat of porcelain, cracked on the inside, ready to collapse, to burst into shreds. Sometimes, it felt as though her skin was a cage, as though her body was a prison she couldn’t leave. She suffocated in her own skin, in her life. The pale yellow walls of her room seemed to close in on her every night, as though somehow, the very color of them blinded her. As though they were meant to be a different color.

As though her life was just a series of misplaced puzzle pieces, chaotically arranged in the wrong order, and yet, she couldn’t move a single one. She was stuck.

Her room was filled with books, but she scarcely had time to open one. Her life was kept on a tight schedule : school, piano lessons, helping her aunt at the teashop, homework, and volunteer work as well as ballet lessons on the week-ends. Her aunt insisted she be educated. And yet, her mind was filled with stories, with far-off places, with tales of adventures she didn’t even recall reading. Every time she sat down with a book, a feeling of odd anxiety and impatience in her chest, the phone rang, or her aunt (and legal guardian) knocked on the door, interrupting her. She never had time to do what she wanted.

She was caged.

Gwen longed for a world that was right there, in front of her, and yet always out of reach.

And then, one evening (8.15 PM), she opened a book and read. It was around 10 PM when she realized she had finished the novel. It spoke of a princess, a pirate in disguise, a giant and a gifted swordsman. And, in the end, a sweeping kiss.

A kiss.

Life changed in Storybrooke, although Gwen, nor anyone else, realized it, or knew the cause of it. All that Gwen noticed was that one of the children that took piano lessons with her every Thursday (the Mayor’s son, Henry Mills), stopped coming. It was odd : Gwen’s schedule had never been perturbed before, although she was only vaguely aware of the change. Still, free time gave her an odd sort of rush.

School was the same, though. Studying, answering right in class (to an extent that sometimes annoyed her classmates), lunching with her friends, helping some younger students with their homework… Gwen smiled through it, even enjoying some of it, but sometimes, in the middle of a class, while the teacher smiled at her for her right answer, Gwen felt as though she was frozen on the spot, ready to shatter like a statue of ice.

During a lunch break, she escaped to the school library. She had only passed through before. She grabbed a book of stories, and read throughout the whole hour. She was incredibly late for her next class.

She got detention for the first time in her life (how long was that ? She had been in high school for a few years and yet, it seemed like forever).

Her aunt wasn’t pleased but to be honest, Gwen felt rather… excited. Finally. Something new.

Of course, once she stepped foot into the classroom after school, her smile faded when she noticed that another student was in detention. She should have expected it.

James Young.

Gwen didn’t know him very well. They had crossed paths, of course, but she couldn’t recall ever speaking a word to him. They didn’t run in the same circles.

But then again, James Young didn’t run in any circle. He marched to the beat of his own drum. And although there was a very secret, very deeply buried part of Gwen that admired him for it, she couldn’t condone the way he behaved at school.

To say he was a rebel was an understatement. He was a delinquent. He talked back to teachers, skipped class, got suspended very often – he did everything he could to guarantee the wrath of authority. He sometimes carried a pocketknife in a way that would ensure it would get noticed. He flicked a lighter and pretended to set books on fire. To be honest, Gwen wasn’t sure why he hadn’t been expelled yet.

He had no friends. Nobody seemed to like him. He was always, always alone, but he acted as though it didn’t before him. As though others were boring for not wanting to play his little games.

Well, Gwen had no time for games and provocation. She had brought a book with her, determined to get through it during the hour of detention. As she stood in the doorway, staring at the boy without realizing (it was the first time she saw him less than a few meters away), he looked at her, and raised an eyebrow. She looked away, locking a strand of hair behind her ear. He was staring at her in a way that made her awfully uncomfortable : it was as though he was trying to see through her soul.

Or through her clothes.

Teenage boys were a scary breed, or so her aunt said. Gwen shuddered involuntarily.

As though he had read her mind, James emitted a low chuckle, and Gwen shifted uncomfortably, brushing the thought off. Lifting her chin, she ignored him and sat in the first row – he saw in the third one, his feet up on the desk. The teacher came in, giving him a look : he didn’t move.

The teacher gave Gwen a quick smile (teachers loved her), and closed the door, mentioning she wouldn’t be too far away and would come back to check on them. Gwen smiled politely, and opened her book : _Wuthering Heights_ , by Emily Brontë.

She started reading, and soon was caught up in that feeling she had when she read : as thought she was transported, as though she was, herself, running through the dark hills … the classroom around her seemed to disappear.

Until a noise pulled her from her reading.

A few desks behind her, James, with a key in his hand, was scratching under the desk, and a terrible noise was coming from it. Gwen gritted her teeth, refusing to look at him. She would continue reading and ignore him. He would probably get an odd satisfaction out of her reaction.

She read.

The noise continued, getting louder. She could hear him moving. He was making his chair squeak.

She kept reading.

He was tapping his foot. Scratching the wood of the desk. Squeaking his chair slowly. The noise lingered in the air.

She turned her head, giving him a sharp glance :

-          Could you stop that ? she said. Please ?

James looked up from his desk, and his dark eyes seemed to light up with a twisted humor. Gwen held his gaze despite her discomfort. Then, slowly, James grazed his key on the top of the desk, giving Gwen a defiant glance, as though daring to do something about it. The teenage girl scoffed, and turned back to her book.

The nerve of him.

The noise stopped, and Gwen let out a sigh of relief, plunging back into the dark, windy, scorchingly romantic world of Emily Brontë. She was pulled from it again, a few minutes later, when she heard the chair behind her move. She ignored it, but soon, the noise started again. Gwen turned : James was now sitting right behind her, and he was drawing on the top of the desk with his key. He seemed to be drawing a heart.

-          I asked you to stop that, Gwen said, irritated.

-          I did, he answered. I’m doing something else now.

-          You’re doing the same thing. The fact that it’s a different desk doesn’t make it any different.

-          Yes it does.

-          No, it doesn’t ! And you’re not supposed to do that anyway. This is school property.

-          Some artists paint public walls. Do you think they shouldn’t ?

-          That’s… that’s irrelevant. You’re scratching a desk with silly things. You’re not painting a landscape on a wall.

-          Are you in charge of what’s art and what’s not ?

-          No. But you’re still not supposed to do that.

-          And you’re not supposed to be in detention. Little Miss Perfect. And yet, here you are.

Gwen stared at the boy : he was staring back, both defiant and amused. His expression unnerved her.

-          What did you call me ? she asked, outraged.

Smirking, James chuckled :

-          Little Miss Perfect.

-          I’m not Little Miss Perfect.

-          Aren’t you ?

-          Well, I’m in detention, aren’t I ? Gwen shot back.

James chuckled again. She hated the way he laughed. He leaned back in his chair, still smirking.

-          Yeah. I guess you are. My bad.

-          Yeah, Gwen said, irrationally annoyed despite herself. Now, be quiet and let me read.

-          What if I don’t ?

Gwen narrowed her eyes :

-          I’ll tell the teacher.

-          Oh, no, Gwen ! James said. Don’t be so predictable. You were just getting interesting.

-          Well, I don’t want to interest _you_ , Gwen retorted.

-          You’re missing out.

-          I’m really sure that I don’t.

Gwen ignored James’ smirk, and returned to her book. She wasn’t nearly as advanced in it as she wanted, and she knew she would have other things to do at home. Homework, working on her ballet recital with her aunt… Sighing at the prospect, she tried to concentrate, when suddenly, James stood up and sat at the desk next to her. Laying his chin on his crossed arms, spread across the desk, he was staring right at her.

-          What are you doing ? Gwen asked.

James didn’t answer, smirking. Gwen scoffed and went back to reading, but James was staring at her. Intently. She finally closed her book with a slam, turning to him :

-          Stop that.

-          I’m not making any noise, he answered.

-          You’re staring.

-          Is that forbidden ?

-          It’s… it’s annoying !

-          Why ?

-          Because it is ! Would you like it if I stared at you for no reason ?

-          Try, and we’ll see.

Gwen glared, trying to hold the teenage boys’ gaze, and failing. She scoffed and shook her head at herself. She was playing right into his hand. He wanted to bother her. He wanted her to be annoyed with him.

Well. No more. She was going to ignore him.

The teacher checked on them through the door, and James held himself quite well, going right back to staring at her when the teacher left. Gwen bit her lip, staring at the page, thinking deeply, before she cleared her throat, and opened her mouth :

-          Heathcliff bore his degradation pretty well at first, because Cathy taught him what she learnt, and worked or played with him in the fields. They both promised fair to grow up as rude as savages; the young master being entirely negligent how they behaved, and what they did, so they kept clear of him. He would not even have seen after their going to church on Sundays, only Joseph and the curate reprimanded his carelessness when they absented themselves; and that reminded him to order Heathcliff a flogging, and Catherine a fast from dinner or supper.

She stole a glance towards James. She had missed his initial surprise at her speaking. She had expected to stun him, to annoy him with her reading aloud the way he annoyed her, to goad him into reacting. Instead, he was still sitting, his chin on his crossed arms, staring at her with an unreadable expression. Not knowing what to make of it, she kept on reading 

-          But it was one of their chief amusements to run away to the moors in the morning and remain there all day, and the after punishment grew a mere thing to laugh at. The curate might set as many chapters as he pleased for Catherine to get by heart, and Joseph might thrash Heathcliff till his arm ached; they forgot everything the minute they were together again: at least the minute they had contrived some naughty plan of revenge; and many a time I've cried to myself to watch them growing more reckless daily, and I not daring to speak a syllable, for fear of losing the small power I still retained over the unfriended creatures. One Sunday evening, it chanced that they were banished from the sitting-room, for making a noise, or a light offence of the kind; and when I went to call them to supper, I could discover them nowhere. We searched the house, above and below, and the yard and stables; they were invisible: and, at last, Hindley in a passion told us to bolt the doors, and swore nobody should let them in that night.

Surprised at the lack of interruption, Gwen paused, glancing at James again. He was still looking at her, a curious expression on his face.

-          Is that a novel ? he asked.

-          Yes, Gwen said. It’s Wuthering Heights, by Emily Brontë.

-          What’s it about ?

Surprised by the boy’s interest, Gwen answered anyway, puzzled by his change of attitude :

-          Well, she said, setting the book down. This man, Mr. Earnshaw, has two children. Hindley and Cathy. One day, he brings back Heathcliff, a little lost boy. He adopts him. When the father dies, Hindley, who doesn’t like Heathcliff, becomes very cruel to him. But Cathy and Heathcliff are friends. They have adventures together.

-          Like running in the moors together ?

Gwen nodded. James stared at the book for a moment, then looked away. He became oddly quiet for a moment, then a smirk appeared on his face :

-          Heathcliff and Cathy seem like fun, he said.

Gwen rolled her eyes :

-          Of course you’d think that.

-          You don’t ?

-          I… I do. But they’re characters. They’re complex. Their behavior – it’s not the same as what you can do in real life. It’s not the same. There are… there are rules you can’t break.

-          Yeah, James said, leaning back on the chair. But don’t you wish you could ?

Gwen stared for a few seconds, trying to hide the trouble his words had evoked in her. If only he knew how much the sentence he had spoken affected her…

Because oh, would she love to break the rules. It was as though her whole body longed for it.

-          Would you read some more ?

Gwen looked up, surprised. James was looking at her, his feet on the desk, nonchalantly sitting on his chair. Gwen nodded quietly, finding herself unable to refuse such a request (plus, if he wanted her to read, that would mean he would have to be quiet… and also, she found that she quite liked to tell stories) and started reading.

The rest of the hour flew by. When the teacher came to get them, Gwen felt as though it was over too soon. Which was silly, of course – after all, did she really want to spend more time with James Young ?

She put her book away in her bag, gathering her things. She put on her coat, adjusting the collar over her cardigan, and smoothed down her skirt, before heading to the door. Quickly, she looked back. James threw on his old, worn, green jacket. He winked at the teacher, who rolled her eyes, and followed Gwen in the hallway.

Gwen hesitated before walking towards the exit. Should she say something to him ? But what could she possibly say ?

Goodbye ? See you around ? Thank you for not being as much of a jerk as I thought you would ? Reading aloud to you was nice ?

As she struggled with her own thoughts, she noticed James staring at her, this infuriating smirk on his face, and she composed herself, raising her chin, getting ready to go.

-          Will you tell me how it ends ?

She looked up to James. He was still smirking, but there was a real question in his eyes – she could tell.

He cared about the story. He wanted to know the ending.

It was really odd for her to realize it, and to know the truth of it. It didn’t match the rest of his personality, the one he displayed for all to see.

Maybe he was simply bored, and was looking for a way to pass the time ? Was she just a distraction ? Was this simply another one of his games, a way to gain attention ? Was she going to regret ever speaking to him ?

Despite this supposition, Gwen nodded. James’ smirk widened :

-          Cool. I’ll see you around, then.

-          See you around, Gwen answered.

James turned on his heels, going out the back door of the school, near the gymnasium. Holding her bag to her chest, Gwen watched him go, unable to tear her eyes away.

And then, almost reluctantly, she turned, and left the school. But the odd desire of wanting to follow James Young down that hallway, out the door, didn’t leave her until she was home.

 

 


	2. Of books and walks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen Berry forms an odd sort of bond with James Young. She doesn't know what to make of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note : Spoilers for Wuthering Heights and a bit for Les Misérables. Warning : Wendy and I love Cosette. Any Cosette hate will not be tolerated.

 

A few days went by since Gwen Berry had been in detention with the infamous James Young. The memory of that afternoon didn’t quite leave, but she didn’t get to see the boy again. He wasn’t at school, and she ignored the nagging disappointment she felt in the back of her mind.

She went on with her life as usual (although life at home hadn’t been easy, since she had been in detention – her aunt was the type to overreact). When she spotted James Young again at school, she only glanced at him. He glanced back, smirking again. He always smirked as though he knew something she didn’t.

How infuriating.

Almost a week passed. She didn’t talk to him (what if someone saw ?) and he didn’t speak to her. She told herself that perhaps, that hour in detention would be the only interaction they would ever have when one afternoon, as she was getting books from her locker between classes in a near empty hallway, he showed up, leaning against her locker as though he had magically appeared there.

-          Hey, he said.

Hiding her nervousness and her surprise, Gwen put her books into her bag, glancing at him.

-          Hi, she said carefully.

-          You didn’t tell me how the story ends.

She narrowed her eyes at him. He had been serious about that ? It was hard to tell, even now, when everything he said had this joking tone to it.

-          I can’t now, she said, slamming her locker shut. I have class.

-          Tell me after.

Gwen bit her lip. In a way, she had been dying to talk about the book with someone, and her friends didn’t seem to have read it or have any interest in it. But this was James Young. She was sure to regret this.

It would have been a more rational decision to say no.

-          You can walk me home after school, Gwen said. I’ll tell you on the way.

-          All right, James said, winking. See you after school, Gwenny.

-          Don’t call me that.

-          Right.

With a laugh, James disappeared down the hallway, and Gwen was left pondering the silliness of her decision.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with a pit of nervousness in her stomach. She considered skipping out early to avoid the boy, but she couldn’t bring herself to it. After the bell rang, she waited a bit, then found him by her locker. She quietly gathered her things, put her hat and coat on, and glanced at James.

-          Where do you live ? she asked. Do you usually take the bus ?

-          Nah, he answered. I walk, too.

-          All right. Fine.

Together, with Gwen keeping her distance, they walked outside. The day was misty, and the sky was rather grey. Gwen adjusted her hat on her head, and starting walking towards her house. She lived about fifteen minutes from school. She had always enjoyed her time walking home (a quick moment alone, to reflect on the day).

Slowly, she began to tell James about the book – skipping over various events, lingering on others. Quickly, she even forgot who she was talking to. The boy was rather quiet, simply listening. At the end, he thought, and remarked :

-          So in the end, Heathcliff and Catherine end up together.

-          Well. They end up dead, Gwen corrected him, frowning.

-          Yeah, but they’re free. They can finally run in the moors together. Like they wanted, when they were young.

Gwen remained quiet, agreeing silently. The same thought had gone through her mind while she read. But James said it with a dark satisfaction that made her uneasy – it was as though to him, death was the ideal ending for the characters. She looked up at the end of the street, at a big, white house :

-          This is my house, she said.

-          Big house.

James was looking at the mansion with an odd look in his eye, and Gwen almost felt ashamed for a second. Her aunt was a rather rich woman. For some reason, from the look of his coat and boots, Gwen guessed that James didn’t live in wealth.

-          Do you live far away ? she asked him to break the silence.

-          I’ll walk.

-          Okay. Well… goodbye, then, James.

-          Are you gonna read other books ?

-          Of course, Gwen answered.

-          Will you tell me about them ?

That was an odd request, but it was asked with a lack of the usual smugness he had. Gwen nodded without thinking. James grinned at her, sticking his hands in his pockets.

-          Good. See you around.

And then, just like that, he was gone again.

Before she was fully aware of the pattern that was forming, this became their thing. He’d walk her home from school sometimes, and he’d listen to her tell him about the books she read. It wasn’t a friendship, it wasn’t even conversations – she’d talk and he’d listen. He made comments, sometimes, on how certain characters were boring and others adventurous and interesting. Gwen had to admit that sometimes, she disagreed with him strongly – the character of Cosette, from Les Misérables, had them divided. While James deemed her boring, saying she should have gone out after her father instead of staying home, Gwen defended the character vehemently.

-          You don’t understand ! she said as they walked under a windy day.. She’s the epitome of light, she’s the dawn – and when you read the book, you see how witty and lovely she truly is.

-          But she doesn’t seem like she does anything.

-          Cosette is not boring or cowardly at all – she was a prisoner of the times she lived in ! And the book says she has a wildness about her – sort of like a bohemian, or a gypsy. It says that in her, she has something of the ones who run barefoot in the woods ! That’s not boring at all !

-          Running barefoot in the woods ?

-          Yes ! You know, I bet she did, later in life, when she was older, after the dust had settled. I bet she took her husband with her on walks outside of Paris. Cosette is like a bird, you know ? She was simply… caged for a long time, and didn’t get the chance to do things, but that does not make her boring !

Realizing how her voice was raising, Gwen interrupted herself, and took a breath. She looked up to see James looking amused and thoughtful.

-          A bird ? he said. What kind of bird ?

-          A lark, Gwen answered immediately, recalling the exact words from the books. Birds are wild creatures, and they sing, even when caged. The bird sings because it wants freedom, always.

-          Birds, James repeated. I like it. And maybe you’re right. Maybe little Cosette just needed someone to steal her away from that boring house and garden…

-          Her garden is _not_ boring !

-          … and take her on an adventure. I bet she would have been handy with a sword.

-          She would have, Gwen said strongly. Oh, she would have !

They stopped near her house, again. James gave her his usual grin, before disappearing, and Gwen watched him go, slightly breathless for reasons she couldn’t understand.

One day, as she was driving home from the grocery store with her aunt, Gwen spotted James in the lower side of town, entering a building in an alley Gwen had never been in. The building wasn’t ugly – there were no ugly buildings in Storybrooke, but it certainly seemed poorer than most of the city. But that wasn’t what kept Gwen’s attention.

-          That grey building, near Spinning Street, Gwen said the next day, catching James at his locker. Is that where you live ?

-          What’s it to you ?

James’ tone was even enough, but Gwen thought she detected a certain warning, as though he wanted her to drop the subject. She didn’t.

-          It’s like, forty-five minutes on foot from where I live, she said.

James shrugged, ruffling through his locker, without looking at Gwen.

-          Do you really walk from my street to yours after you walk me home ? the teenage girl asked, relentless.

James’ eye twitched, but he covered it with a smirk :

-          Maybe I fly home, he said.

-          Don’t be silly. Human beings can’t fly.

-          Maybe I’m not human.

-          Oh, never mind, Gwen said, irritated. I don’t know why I even bother talking to you. You’re insufferable.

-          Then don’t talk to me, James snapped, his eyes shining with brief anger. It’s not like I care.

-          Fine ! Gwen retorted, feeling her own anger flare up. Have a nice day !

Feeling irrationally angry, and upset, the young girl turned on her heels and walked back to her own locker before chemistry class. The argument had been unexpected – she wasn’t even sure what they had been arguing it about, or why she felt so upset. After all, they weren’t friends. Were they ?

But it sounded as though he had walked from her home to his more than once, in the wind, rain and sun alike. A walk that would have taken him almost forty-five minutes, by her calculations. What was she supposed to make of that ? Had he nothing better to do ? Did he enjoy her company ? Was he avoiding home ?

Why did she even care ?

But she did.

The next few days, James skipped school, and Gwen didn’t get to see him. She had a few classes with him (German, Math and Chemistry) and she didn’t see him for days. Usually, she wouldn’t have noticed, but this time, she found herself glancing at his empty chair, in the back of the classroom, by the window, more often than not.

She couldn’t really explain what possessed to take the bus to the other side of town on Saturday afternoon, while she was supposed to give a piano lesson. Her aunt was working, and she canceled her lesson, calling up her young pupil, before hopping on the bus to get down on Spinning Street, looking for the grey building in the light of the sunset. Taking a deep breath, she found it, and made her way towards it.

A few names were on the wall, next to the buzzer, and Gwen looked for the Young family to no avail. Feeling silly for having even come at all, the young girl sighed, adjusting her backpack on her shoulders, before starting to retreat. She froze on the stairs : a pretty girl, who didn’t seem that much older than her, was standing there, grocery bags in her arms, above her clearly pregnant belly.

-          Can I help you ? the girl asked, breathless, trying to get her keys from her bag.

-          Oh, Gwen said, blinking. Hum, I’m looking for somebody, but do… do you want me to help you with your bags ?

-          That would be great, thanks !

Gwen took a step forward and grabbed one of the bags. The girl grinned, holding her sides, breathing out, and took out her keys to put it in the lock.

-          Thank you, she said, opening the door, holding it with her foot, grabbing her bag again. Who were you looking for ?

-          It’s… a classmate, Gwen said hesitantly. James Young. I thought he lived in this building. He missed school, so I was bringing him his homework.

-          Yeah, I know him, the young woman said. Tall, green coat ?

-          Yes, that’s him.

-          He lives there. He’s on the fourth floor – apartment 11. Come in !

-          Thank you ! Gwen said. Thank you very much !

-          You’re welcome, the woman said, making her way towards the door of her own apartment, on the first floor.

Gwen smiled, and started to make her way up the stairs, her nervousness growing as she walked.

It was silly of her to have come, wasn’t it ? But now that she was here…

She stood in front of apartment 11, took a deep breath, and knocked. As she stood there in growing anxiety, she briefly considered running, but the door opened before she could. A tall, middle-aged man opened it, a cigarette in his mouth. When he saw Gwen, he looked slightly surprised, then leaned against the doorway.

-          Yeah ? he said nonchalantly.

-          Hello, Gwen said as sweetly as she could. My name is Gwen Berry. I’m a classmate of James’.

The man rose his eyebrows, and blew a puff of smoke. Gwen stopped breathing, disgusted by the smell. She couldn’t help but think the man didn’t look like James at all. Were they really related ?

-          You’re the first one of his classmates I ever saw, the man said, staring at the girl carefully. James isn’t there.

-          Oh, Gwen said, hiding her disappointment.

-          You can wait inside, if you want.

 Gwen hesitated. The man made her rather uncomfortable, but the next bus wouldn’t be there for another twenty minutes…

-          I wouldn’t want to impose.

-          No. Come in.

Gwen smiled, and made her way inside. Just then, she realized that coming into an odd man’s apartment, alone, wasn’t a very good idea, but it was too late now. Also, that nice neighbor would have told her if the man was dangerous, wouldn’t she ? And she could hear music coming from the apartment next door. So, they would hear her if she screamed.

Pulling her thoughts away from this morbid perspective, Gwen stood there, looking around. The apartment was small, modest. The walls were decorated with a few scarce posters and paintings. The tv was on, and a few empty bottles laid on the end table. The man motioned to the couch, and Gwen sat very straight, a tight smile on her lips. She didn’t even dare take off her shoes or coat.

-          So, you’re a friend of James’ ? the man said, sitting down, sprawling on the couch.

-          A classmate, Gwen corrected. He – he missed school, so I’m bringing him his homework.

-          Where were you the previous thousand times ? the man said, chuckling darkly.

Gwen gave him a smile, feeling very uneasy, and glanced at the tv. It was an action movie. The man took a sip of his beer after putting out his cigarette.

-          What’s your name ? Gwen, you said ?

-          Gwen Berry.

-          I’m Keith.

-          It’s very nice to meet you, Mr. Young.

-          Mr… oh. Right. James _Young_. I'm not Mister Young. My last name is Wood.

-          … Oh. 

This made Gwen think fast : so, Mr. Wood wasn’t James’ father… did that mean he was an orphan ? Had he been abandoned ? Were his parents dead ? Keith gave Gwen a long look – there was something in the way he looked at her that she hated – and said :

-          You don’t seem like the kind of person James would hang around. Pretty, nice, clean girl like you.

-          Like I said, Gwen said, smiling to cover her her discomfort, I’m just a classmate.

-          Right.

Keith was still staring at her. Gwen fought back a shudder. The opening of the door saved her : hopefully, she glanced up, and spotted James, quietly entering the room, his collar turned up to hide his face. He was very different from how Gwen usually saw him : subdued, shoulders hunched, he was looking down, as though he was looking to appear as small as he could. He was about to walk straight to his room, quietly, when he glanced towards Keith. He froze at the sight of Gwen. The girl didn’t think she’d ever seen him look so young and unguarded.

-          Someone here for you, Keith said, turning his gaze back to the tv.

-          Hi, Gwen said nervously, waving.

James stared at her for a moment, then at the back of Keith’s head. He seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, then motioned with his chin towards Gwen.

-          Come on, he said.

Gwen stood up, grabbing her bag, and followed James to his room. The boy closed the door behind them quickly.

The room was very small, dark – there was nothing in it but a bed and a chair. The light kept flickering, as though the light bulb needed to be changed, and there was no window. Gwen fought back an expression of horror, but said nothing, her lips sealed tight. James took off his coat, throwing it on the bed, then held his hands on his hips, staring at Gwen.

-          What are you doing there ?

-          I … you missed school, the girl said quickly. We have a German test German on Wednesday so I… I made you copies of my notes.

She started rummaging through her bag. James was staring in disbelief.

-          Are you kidding ? he asked.

Wordlessly, Gwen handed James colored, well-typed sheets of paper. The boy stared, not touching them.

-          You came here to give me notes ? he said. Since when do I care about exams, or school ? Since when do _you_ care how much school I miss ?

-          I just thought…

Struggling with her words, Gwen fought the urge to bang her head against the wall. Frustrated, humiliated, he put her notes back into the bag, sighing :

-          Never mind, she muttered. I just thought – I – forget it. I’m going home.

-          Wait.

Gwen looked up, pausing, on the verge of tears (sometimes, she hated how emotional she could get). James was shifting from one foot to another :

-          You came all this way, he said. You might as well stay a bit.

Gwen stared at him for a moment, studying his face. He seemed sincere, and she softened. She carefully set her bag on the ground, and nodded :

-          Thank you, she said.

She sat down on the chair, while James sat, cross-legged, on his bed. He kicked off his boots, then let out a little laugh :

-          You can take off your coat, you know, he said. I’m not going to eat you.

-          I’m okay. Listen, James. About the other day, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.

She hadn’t even meant to say it. It hadn’t been her intention, even if she had thought of it countless times since their fight, but now that he was here, and she was there, it just… came out.

He said nothing, merely looking at her as though she was some sort of curious animal behaving in an odd way.

-          Now, she added, swallowing, I realize my coming here might be considered as rather inappropriate, after our fight, but I simply wanted to…

-          Relax, birdie. It’s fine.

-          Good – wait, what did you call me ?

-          Birdie, James said with a smirk. It suits you.

-          How exactly does it suit me ?

-          Don’t ask. I know what I’m saying.

Gwen stared at his face, his twinkling eyes and his never ending smirk, and let out a chuckle despite herself :

-          You are so odd, James, she commented, unable to fight back a smile.

-          Thanks.

-          Who said that was a compliment ?

-          Oh, I know it was.

-          You are so… so… so cocky !

-          Yes, James said proudly. So. Little Gwen Berry took the town bus, all the way to my side of town. Aren’t you afraid someone saw you ?

-          I have taken the bus before, you know ! And I don’t care if someone saw me.

James gave her a skeptical, amused look. Gwen looked around to his room, trying hard not to comment on how little and sad it seemed.

-          That man out there, she said after a moment.

-          Keith ?

-          Yes. He’s… he’s not your father, is he ?

-          Nope.

-          Who is he ?

-          My legal guardian.

-          How did you end up living with him ? Did he adopt you ?

James shrugged :

-          Don’t know, don’t care.

-          James…

-          You’re aware that less than two minutes ago, you were apologizing for prying, right ?

Gwen closed her mouth immediately, frowning.

-          Right, she said. Sorry.

-          Make it up to me, James said, his grin returning immediately.

-          How, exactly ? Gwen asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

-          Tell me a story.

-          What is it with you and stories ? Gwen asked good-naturedly.

James shrugged, and lied down on the bed, staring at the ceiling, his hands underneath his head. Gwen looked at him for a moment, quietly admiring his jawline – he had an odd sort of face, didn’t he ? Not quite round, almost elfish – she quickly looked away. It was rude to stare.

-          All right, she said, chewing on her lip thoughtfully.

She told him the story of Huckleberry Finn, figuring he would like it – but she didn’t finish. After all, she had to catch a bus so she would be home before her aunt got back home. James rolled his eyes and called her boring, but he stood up and led her to the door. Keith was gone : Gwen didn’t ask.   
Against her expectations, James accompanied her to the bus stop.

-          Thanks for your notes, he said (he had taken them eventually).

-          You’re welcome. Are you even going to use them ?

-          Eh, probably not.

-          You could do better in school if you applied yourself, you know.

The words were out before she could stop them but she had no wish to take them back. James wasn’t an idiot, she could tell, but he seemed to make a point to fail at everything. He rolled his eyes at her, the smirk back on his lips.

-          Thanks, _mother_.

Gwen scoffed at him, without any real bite. As the bus pulled up, it started raining, and she barely had time to get on the vehicle before she got soaked. She heard a muted "See ya, birdie", before the bus doors closed. She sat by the window, and spotted James rolling up his collar to shield his face as he ran up the street to his home.

Just as she found that once again, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him, she saw him look back at her, before he disappeared in the rain.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if case you missed that, James' guardian is Keith, alias the Sheriff of Nottingham we saw in season two. He’s canonically adouche, but I’m taking it a bit further. If you think it’s weird that the Sheriff of Nottingham is Peter Pan’s guardian in this verse, I quietly remind you that canonically, Pan is Rumplestiltskin’s daddy. So. There. Plus, with all those characters, there was bound to be some mixes somewhere, okay ? Good.
> 
> Why this particular choice : it makes sense to me that Peter, as cursed, would be confronted to what he hates : the adult like. Keith is a man who likes drinking, who likes sex – everything Peter would dislike as himself. And now, he lives with it, every day. Keith is cursed too, and he’s not much fun to be around (as you’ll see later). He’s got… issues. And Keith, himself, as the Sheriff who had to lose everything to his enemy, finds himself a bitter man, who has nobody, nothing. He doesn’t know how he ended up having this kid in custody (it’s in the haze everyone has in Storybrooke). He doesn’t love him, he wishes he weren’t here, but he has some decency and doesn’t kick him out. They’re both very unhappy. Because everyone in Storybrooke is unhappy. You'll see more about that in the next chapters. 
> 
> Also : yep, that was Ashley, alias Cinderella, you saw in the chapter ! I don’t actually remember if we saw where Ashley lived on the show, but I imagine that pre-Emma, she lived in a not so great place, so there. Ashley cameo.


	3. Of woods and cruel words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and James' bond strenghtens, only to be tested sooner than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some violence, very mild.

  

-          Come on, birdie.

-          No.

-          You know you want to.

-          I most certainly do not !

-          Come on ! Mrs Goose is sick – it’s just some sub coming to teach English. She’s gonna make you some boring reading or grammar…

-          Forget it, James, Gwen said, slamming her locker shut, turning to face him. I am not skipping class with you.

A few students passed by them in the hallway, giving them passing glances. Over the last few weeks, despite the fact that they rarely talked to each other at school, Gwen and James’ friendship (if it could be called that) had started to draw some attention. Some students had spotted them walking home from school, and the smirks James directed Gwen’s way were soon noticed by the student population. The young girl brushed the occasional questions aside, unable to define their relationship to herself, let alone to others. In the dark of the night, whenever James crossed her mind before she fell asleep, she’d tell herself they were friends.

He had told her once that he had no friends. She chose to ignore it. Everybody had friends.

-          You’re so boring, sometimes, James said, leaning against the locker next to hers. Come on, Gwen-bird ! Come out and play.

-          We are not children, James, she answered with an eyeroll.

James just grinned, and took a step closer to her, leaning in, dropping his voice :

-          Come on, he whispered, his nose almost bumping against her forehead. You don’t want to sit in a classroom for a whole hour, being bored to death, do you ?

She didn’t answer, trying to hold his gaze, ignoring purposefully how close he was standing to her.

-          James, she said. No. What if my aunt finds out ?

She stood by her refusal for now. However, during the next week, she spotted James motioning to her in the hallway, and before she even knew what she was doing, she found herself lying to the P.E teacher, pretending to feel sick. The teacher, never thinking of doubting Gwen’s words, told her to call her aunt and get home. Putting on a brave face, Gwen nodded, and met James at her locker.

How did he know what she had just done ? How did he know she would meet him ? She had no idea, but he just knew.

-          Quick, he whispered to her. Before anyone sees us.

Seizing her hand, sending a shiver through her body, he grinned and lead her through the back door, running through the schoolyard, escaping quickly.

Storybrooke High School was rather close to the woods. The day was rather cold, but Gwen was okay in her coat, scarf and hat, with James’ hand warming hers. Running like a child, he led her to the forest, only stopping once they reached the trees.

-          There ! he said, letting go of her hand, raising his arms upward. Wasn’t that fun ?

Breathless, Gwen didn’t answer, leaning against a tree, pausing to look around. She couldn’t believe that in all her life in Storybrooke, she had never taken a walk in the forest. It wasn’t far from her house, but she had never had the time. Until now.

She shivered, and closed her arms over her chest, smiling. She turned to face James, only to see him climbing a tree like he was a child, sitting on a branch like he belonged there.

-          Come up, birdie ! he said.

-          No ! Gwen answered. No way. I’m not going up there.

-          You’re no fun, you know.

-          If I’m no fun, then why do you want me to go up ? she shot back.

James just laughed, throwing his head back :

-          Point taken, he said.

Just like that, he jumped on the ground, landing next to her. She let out a small gasp, afraid he would hurt himself, and he laughed at her obvious worry. His mocking made her frown.

She didn’t really know why she sought out his company – after all, she felt irritated or uneasy around him more often than not. And yet, she couldn’t stay away – maybe because for once, it was different. He was so peculiar, and with him, she talked about things and did things she wouldn’t with others.

It made her feel adventurous.

And with her, he was… different. Yes, he was mocking, sarcastic, almost hurtful, but she felt as though he wouldn’t seek her out if he didn’t like her, to some extent. She had seen glimpses of kindness, of a softer side, and she couldn’t ignore it.

He laughed again at her expression, his chuckle low, dark. Spinning around, he grabbed the branch of the tree with both hands and let himself hang from it. Gwen shook her head at him – he was such a child ! – and, despite herself, let her gaze travel to his stomach – his coat and shirt traveled up, reveling his skin. She looked down, shyly, before glancing back, frowning.

-          What’s that ? she asked, pointing to a blue-ish spot on the side of his stomach.

James froze for a second, but quickly recovered, going back on the ground, adjusting his clothes.

-          Nothing, he said evenly, taking a step towards Gwen, taking her hat from her head with one quick move.

-          James ! the girl exclaimed, standing on tiptoe, snatching it back. My hat !

-          _James ! My hat !_ the boy repeated in a mocking tone.

As Gwen put her hat back on, rolling her eyes, James stared at her face, towering over her. He bopped her nose before she could react, and took her hand again :

-          Come on. Let’s take a walk.

They walked, talked. He called her boring, a little miss perfect, a funny little bird, and she called him odd and insufferable.

It was the most fun she’d had in a while. And when she returned home, her cheeks red from the cold and her eyes shining, she realized that James Young was truly her friend, and that she was probably his too. Perhaps his only one.

Because underneath the provocation, the smirks and the constant, dangerously playful attitude, there was something else about James Young, something that she was slowly beginning to realize : he was lonely.

One day, she walked from German class to Chemistry with him, chatting and laughing in the hallway. Two days later, she had lunch with him in the cafeteria.

-          Weren’t you skipping class ? Gwen asked him curiously, over her plate of pasta.

-          Eh, James said, shrugging, stealing a piece of bread from her platter. I thought I’d stick around.

********

-          People are talking, you know.

Gwen looked up from her lunch, the next day, watching the face of her friend Aurelia. Aurelia was slightly younger than Gwen, and she was a very pretty pale girl, with beautiful golden hair hanging in curls around her face.

Aurelia was a rather popular girl, who could sometimes be a little ditzy and superficial. Gwen had thought so, at times, but she also knew Aurelia had a good heart, and that she truly cared about Gwen. The feeling was mutual.

-          I’m just saying, Aurelia added, playing with her fork. You should be careful. He’s bad news, Gwen, you know.

-          He’s not that bad, Gwen protested.

-          Gwen, he almost set fire to the trashcan the other day. Plus, I heard he stole from Sean Cheree …

-          Oh please, Gwen said, her distaste obvious on her face. He’s a complete dolt, Aurelia – need I remind you of that fact ?

Sean was a boy in the grade below Gwen. He had a younger brother, Misha, who Gwen had given a few piano lessons too. Misha was a quiet, timid boy that always looked scared, while Sean, older, was a cold, snotty young boy with glasses. He wasn’t very nice at all :  as far as she could remember, Gwen had always hated him strongly, and the brothers both seemed to have something against her, in particular. Misha had stopped coming to the lessons, and Sean always sneered at Gwen.  

-          I’m just telling you what I heard, Aurelia said. You should be careful around him. And please, please, don’t date him !

-          I have no intention of dating anyone, least of all him ! Gwen retorted. Don’t worry. I’m a big girl !

-          Whatever you say !

Later on, Gwen regretted not taking Aurelia’s warning more seriously, but not because of James.

About a week later, as Gwen had been excused from class to go to the bathroom, she froze. A few boys were gathered around a locker. Gwen recognized some of them, including Sean Cheeree. Frowning, wondering what they could be up to, guessing it was nothing good, Gwen took a few steps down the hallway, craning her neck to see what was happening. She gasped.

A tall, dark-haired boy had James pinned to the lockers, a large hand around his lean throat. James was laughing, his eyes twinkling dangerously, as the boys hovering over him in a menacing manner.

-          What’s going on here ? Gwen asked loudly.

Gazes turned towards her.

-          Go away, Berry, Sean Cheree answered, his arms crossed over his chest. This doesn’t concern you.

-          What are you doing to him ? Gwen asked.

-          It’s called justice, one of the boys said.

-          Justice ? For what ?

-          He stole money from me, Sean said, and Gwen flinched at the sound of such contempt in his voice.  

-          Then report him to the school ! Gwen said. Don’t use violence !

-          It’s fine, birdie, James said, his voice strangled, but his smirk ever-present. Let them have their fun.

-          Shut up.

Gwen flinched, bringing her hands to her lips as one of the boys slapped James’ cheek in a loud sound. James just laughed, the sound coming from his throat raspy and low.

-          Oh, authority, James hissed, his eyes flashing. Is that the best you can do ?

-          Leave him alone !

-          Let them, birdie. It’s fun.

Gwen, burning tears in her eyes, glared at him :

-          This isn’t a game, James ! she exclaimed angrily. And you – you all need to leave him alone ! Let him go !

-          Or what ?

-          I’ll go get a teacher, Gwen said defiantly. I will – don’t you think I won’t.

-          Fine ! Then go ! one of the boys said. By the time you get back, your little boyfriend won’t have a face anymore.

-          Good job, Paul, James choked out smugly. Very threatening. I had chills.

The boy named Paul seized James by the shoulders and slammed him into the lockers so hard James fell on his knees to the floor. Quickly, Gwen grabbed the Paul’s arm, trying to pull him from James. The boy shrugged her aside more violently that he intended, and kicked James with his foot. Behind him, Sean Cheree winced, clenching his jaw. Frustrated, Gwen pulled on Paul’s arm with more force. The boy turned to look at her, anger in his eyes, and he raised his arm.

Against her expectations, Sean Cheree was the one to stop him :

-          Hey ! he said, his eyes widening. Don’t do that ! What’s wrong with you ?  

-          She should have left this alone, the tall boy said.

-          And _you_ should leave James alone, Gwen shot back.

-          Gwen, go, James repeated, his tone louder, his gaze darker as he sat up on the ground, trying to pull himself up.

-          James, Gwen breathed out, trying to walk past the boys to help him up. Are you okay ?

-          Just go !

-          What is going on here ?

A teacher was standing in the hallway, a suspicious look on his face. As soon as he noticed James, he rolled his eyes :

-          James Young, he said. Why am I not surprised ?

-          Sir, James said, holding his throat, still smiling.

-          He wasn’t doing anything ! Gwen exclaimed. They were bullying him.

The teacher gave Gwen a disbelieving look :

-          Miss Berry. Shouldn’t you be in class ? he asked, surprised to see her there.

-          They were hurting him, Gwen said, without answering the question. I saw it all…

-          She’s lying, Paul said. He was trying to fight one of us – we just tried to pull him off.

-          You’re lying ! Gwen exclaimed, outraged, her eyes wide. It’s not true !

-          She’s just trying to protect her boyfriend.

Gwen turned, glaring at the boy.

-          She wasn’t doing anything, James said, standing up at last, leaning against the lockers. It was me. She saw wrong, she wanted to help – she didn’t do anything.

-          Yeah, Sean Cheree piped up, surprising Gwen once again. It – she just showed up now.

-          No more, the teacher said. All of you, the principal’s office, now.

At Gwen’s outrage, only James was kept at the office, the other boys walking away from the office, back to their classes, with only detentions to punish them. Gwen was completely furious, and a bit humiliated – after all, she had just spent about fifteen minutes ranting about how idiotic they were being, trying to solve this matter with violence. As they walked away, Gwen caught Sean Cheree staring at her – for a moment, they just stared at each other. As though there was something below the surface, something they were about to realize…

But the moment was quickly over, and forgotten in a haze.

Gwen refused to go back to class. She insisted on talking to the principal when he talked to James, despite the teacher’s best efforts to get her back to her classroom. That’s how she found herself sitting down on a chair next to James, outside the principal’s office. James said nothing. He seemed to be ignoring her.

Gwen knew she would get into trouble, and that if she defied the principal himself, her aunt would be called, but she couldn’t stand the idea of James being punished when he was being bullied, six against one. She had obviously underestimated the dislike others held for James at school.

-          Do they bother you often ? she asked James.

The boy shrugged. Gwen noticed him absently rubbing his wrists – there were bruises on them.

-          Not really, he said.

-          The bruise on your stomach. The one I saw in the woods. Did they do this ?

-          No.

-          Don’t lie to me, James.

-          I’m not lying, Gwen, James shot back, mimicking her tone, his eyes dark and his tone dangerously on edge.

Gwen glared at him. What was he getting angry at her for ? She had stayed to defend him, hadn’t she ? Had she wounded his pride or something ?

Well, she didn’t care, she thought defiantly.

-          Did you really steal money from Sean Cheree ? she asked as he refused to look at her.

-          Yep.

-          Why ? she asked angrily. Why would you do something like that ?

James scoffed quietly, and looked at her, his gaze suddenly turning scornful, his voice a hiss :

-          Well, _hello_ , birdie, he said. Did you just meet me ? It’s what I _do_.

-          Stupid things ?

-          Yes, he said, looking away from her, keeping his gaze on the door in front of them.

-          You stole from him ! What if he needed that money ?

-          I don’t care. I don’t care about Sean Cheree.

-          It’s not about caring for them, it’s about being a decent human being !

-          Decent is for boring people.

-          Yes, James ! Gwen said, absolutely seething. Because everyone is boring, everyone but you ! Everyone who isn’t stealing money, or setting trashcans on fire, or skipping school, or bringing a knife to school to scare the teachers…

-          If you believe everything you hear, you’re an idiot.

-          So it’s not true ?

-          Does it matter ? James snapped, his gaze returning to hers. Your judgment is made already, isn’t it ? It was made from the start.

-          What the hell are you talking about ? Gwen asked, a rare swear escaping her lips.

-          Oh, come on, _Gwen_ , James said, lingering on her name like it was poison. You’re nice to everyone, usually. I see you. But me – you were on the defensive, during that detention. After all, you and I don’t mix, do we ? Like someone like you would give me the time of the day. You’d decided who I was already.

-          That’s not true ! Gwen protested loudly. That’s not true at all !

-          Yes, it’s true, James answered, his tone halfway between anger and utter coldness. You’re all sheep – it’s pathetic. You think I’m irresponsible, dangerous, bad news – and now, you think I’m some kind of misunderstood soul, who needs your protection …

-          You – no ! I was just trying to help you – they were six against one !

-          I didn’t ask for your help ! James almost yelled, his voice raising louder than she had ever heard it. I didn’t ask for it, and I don’t want it. You think I need help, you think I need to grow up. Well, I don’t. Stealing is bad ? I don’t care. I don’t care about Cheree, I don’t care about this school, and _I don’t. care. about. you._

His words hung in the air like a grey cloud right after the lighting. They stared at each other for a few seconds, the weight of what he had just said descending upon Gwen. It was hurtful, biting, but she was too angry, out of her mind, to feel hurt. She only felt a barely controlled, white-hot anger. James stared back, his lips closed, his chin trembling almost imperceptibly. His eyes were dark, deep pools of conflicting emotions Gwen couldn’t (and didn’t want to) decipher. He gave her a long, lasting withering look, before looking away from her, returning his gaze to the door, leaning his back against the wall once more. Soon, he was called into the office, and Gwen was left stuck to her chair, unable to move, staring at the door long after he'd slammed it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aurelia is totally Goldie Locks, by the way. 
> 
> Sean and Misha are John and Michael. Because I love breaking hearts, the Darlings are separated in the worst way. Hating each other.


	4. Of study halls and surprise visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen struggles with the seeming end of her friendship with James.

The principal had called her aunt, as Gwen had guessed earlier. After school, Aunt Liza showed up to school, and entered just as James left, without sparing Gwen a look. The teenage girl watched him go, too proud to talk and too wounded to look away.

Liza was stunned that Gwen was causing problems. It had never happened before, and for the middle-aged woman, it was a shock. Gwen listened, almost numb, to what the principal gently, but sternly pointed out.

-          We’re worried about you, Gwen. Your association with James Young, as recent as it is, seems to change your behavior. You’re lying for him…

-          I wasn’t lying, Gwen whispered.

-          Detention, late for classes… you even skipped a class, as we discovered earlier today.

-          Skipped class ? Liza exclaimed, completely stunned. Gwen, is that true ?

Gwen said nothing. She had skipped a class, and been late a few times, indeed. Reading, hanging out with James…

 _James_.

-          Is she in trouble, sir ? Liza asked very seriously.

-          She’s done nothing of consequence, Mrs Berry. Aside from today, Gwen remains a very good student, but we’re simply voicing our concerns. Before the situation gets out of hand.

-          Of course, Liza said, still a little pale. Of course. Thank you. I’ll handle it.

************

-          I cannot believe you would do this to me.

Gwen’s Aunt Liza was a tall woman, with red hair and bright green eyes – Gwen had always admired the color of her hair, wondering if her mother shared it, since she had no pictures of her parents.

For some reason, she had never questioned that fact before.

When she became angry, which was rare, Aunt Liza’s eyes became darker, her cheeks redder, and right now, she was positively seething, her lips almost white from rage. Gwen couldn’t help but feel dwarfed in this moment, tiny and shamed, sitting on her bed, as her aunt’s anger was directed at her.

-          I barely did anything, Gwen said quietly, but as firmly as she could, fighting back tears. I skipped class once – it was stupid. I won’t do it again.

-          What about this boy, Gwen ?

-          It’s nothing. He’s not – he’s not my boyfriend, or anything. He’s… he’s a friend.

She even had trouble getting the words out, because was James even her friend anymore ? Had he ever been ?

What had happened today ? Where did this fight come from – why had he reacted like that to her help ?

-          Since when do you associate with people like that ? He’s a delinquent, Gwen !

Gwen said nothing, her lips closed tightly, but that didn’t stop her aunt.

-          I know this boy, Gwen. He broke a window at the restaurant. He still hasn’t paid for it.

-          Are you sure it was him ?

-          Don’t try to deflect. Yes, I’m sure it was him.

-          Sorry. I didn’t know, Gwen whispered.

-          But you knew he was trouble, didn’t you ? You should have known better. What were you thinking ? Behaving like that ?

-          Aunt Liza, stop ! the teenage girl snapped harder than she meant, looking up. So I skipped a class once, big deal ! Most teenagers I know do so much worse ! It’s not like I’m doing drugs !

Liza stared at her for a moment, hands on her hips. Her gaze was so intense that Gwen almost felt like crying.

-          Do you have any idea, Liza said, her voice trembling, how much effort I have put into raising you ? I raised you alone. I did all I could to make life the best I could for you, to raise you the way your parents would have wanted, to give you the best education I could ! I’ve been working, endlessly, for years, Gwen ! Do you have any idea how much I’ve sacrificed for you ? How much I’ve had to work to make your life the way it is ?

-          I know ! Gwen replied, standing up. I know – but Aunt Liza, I can’t _breathe_ ! You want me to make straight As, you want me to give piano lessons, you want me to do ballet, you want me to get work experience at the restaurant – when do I breathe ? I can’t do anything I want ! _Ever_ !

-          You- you’re being childish. You’re a teenage girl – you don’t know what you want !

-          How am I supposed to figure it out, when you keep deciding everything…

-          Oh, now I’m the bad guy ?

-          No ! I didn’t say that ! I never said that ! But you control everything I do …

-          And look what happens when I don’t. You run off with criminals…

-          You’re not listening to me ! I’m saying that I…

-          No, you listen to me, Liza snapped. You’re grounded. I will drive you to school every day, and pick you up. You’re not going anywhere.

-          Like you let me go anywhere before, Gwen muttered bitterly.

-          Don’t, Liza almost growled. Don’t give me attitude. You’re grounded, and that’s that.

Liza slammed the door behind her. Gwen let herself fall back on the bed, as though the room was spinning around her. She felt numb.

It was only after a few minutes that she started crying, curling up on the bed, hiding her face against the pillow, James’ hateful words running through her mind again and again, like a vicious rhythmic chant.

_You’re all sheep – it’s pathetic. You think I’m irresponsible, dangerous, bad news – and now, you think I’m some kind of misunderstood soul, who needs your protection._

_You think I need help, you think I need to grow up. Well, I don’t._

_I don’t care about Cheree, I don’t care about this school, and I don’t. care. about. you._

The words haunted her, kept coming back to her like a ticking clock. She second-guessed herself, wondering if there was some truth to his words, if she had been judgemental, if she had ever seen him as a charity project like he seemed to imply.

Did it matter, anyway, if he didn’t care about her ?

She didn’t see James at school for days. Apparently, word of the hallway incident had gotten around school, and she had caught some people giving her dirty looks, which outraged her. After all, she had done nothing wrong. The boys had gotten detention, nothing more. It wasn’t like they had been suspended.

-          I told you so, Aurelia told her at lunch, as they sat alone under the trees.

Gwen glared, and Aurelia held her hands up :

-          Okay, okay ! Sorry. It will blow over. In a few days, it will be forgotten.

-          I did nothing wrong.

-          I know that. They’re just being stupid.

Gwen sighed, biting into her sandwich. Across the courtyard, she caught Sean Cheree’s eye. He looked at her for a moment, then away.

The next day, James was back at school, same as ever, pushing his way through the hallways, flicking his lighter on when the teachers weren’t looking. Gwen stared at him, trying to ignore the ache in her chest. He didn’t meet her eyes, not even once.

Had it been so foolish of her to believe they had been friends ? Their fight didn’t seem to affect him the slightest. But it affected her, more than she thought. She almost felt nauseous at the sight of him. Next to her, Aurelia nudged her, and grimaced, noticing the way Gwen's face seemed to fall everytime she caught a glance of the boy. 

\-         Forget him, she whispered. He’s an idiot, okay ?

This made Gwen smile despite herself. Aurelia was unbelievably sweet, in her own way, sometimes.

That afternoon, Math class was a torture for Gwen. As she sat in the first row, she was increasingly aware of James’ presence in the back row, and she did all she could not to stare at him. As the teacher asked questions, Gwen concentrated to answer them, hoping it would distract her.

At one particularly hard question, Gwen was the only one to raise her hand, when she heard somebody snickering behind her. She turned her head and spotted Felicia, a girl in her class – she seemed to recall she was friends with some of the boys that had gotten detention after the incident in the hallway.

-          Felicia, the teacher said, staring pointedly at the student. Something to add ?

-          Nothing, miss, Felicia said innocently. I think Gwen’s got it covered.

The teacher pointed to Gwen, who gave the correct answer.

-          Very good, Gwen, the teacher said.

-          Nerd, Felicia coughed into her hand.

Gwen turned and glared at the girl, before turning, lifting her chin, determined to ignore her.

-          Brainless, Aurelia, behind Gwen, coughed into her hand.

Gwen tried to keep herself from smiling, and looked down, feeling suddenly thankful for Aurelia.

Study hall was next, and Gwen parted with Aurelia, sitting in the front row of the quiet classroom. Sadly, Felicia followed her into it, sitting a few rows from her. To Gwen’s surprise, James was there too – he usually skipped study Hall.

Well, she didn’t care. She wouldn’t even pay attention to him. She opened her books, and got started on her History report.

-          Are you doing your homework, Gwenny ? Felicia hissed in her direction in a baby-voice. Are you afraid someone else will have all the answers ?

Gwen sighed, but said nothing. She wouldn’t give that idiotic girl the satisfaction. She continued to write on her notebook.

-          Who’s a good nerd ? Felicia said, in a voice one would use to talk to dogs. Who’s a good nerd, Gwenny ?

People around were starting to get uneasy, and Gwen really wished the teacher in charge would come check on the room.

-          Hey, Felicia, leave it, one student said.

-          But it’s fun ! Felicia protested in a sing-song voice.

-          Some of us are trying to study, you know.

The familiar voice made Gwen turn : it was Sean Cheree. He gave Gwen a quick glance, and the girl gave him a hint of a smile. Felicia rolled her eyes.

-          I’d listen if I were you, Felicia.

Goosebumps formed on the back of Gwen’s neck. Despite her better judgement, she looked behind her. In his usual stance – arms crossed, legs on the table, leaning back in the chair – James had spoken to Felicia while staring at the ceiling, imitating her sing-song voice. Felicia narrowed her eyes, but said nothing.

-          That’s a good girl, James commented, mocking her earlier tone.

-          You’re a thief, Felicia snapped. Everyone knows it, Young.

Suddenly, something flew through the air, passing right above Felicia’s head. It was only a pen, but the girl had gasped in fear, and everyone had looked up. James was smirking at her, returning his gaze to the ceiling.  

-          Weren’t you told to shut up ? he said innocently.

-          You’re a freak, Felicia muttered.

-          Thank you.

Felicia gritted her teeth, but said nothing more. Gwen stared at James, eyes narrowed. He was playing with a paper plane, his eyes still on the ceiling. Gwen let out a frustrated sigh, and returned to her homework.

After Study Hall (it had been the last period), Gwen quickly got up, gathering her things, snapping her backpack shut, and followed James, who was the first out the door. Biting back her nervousness and hesitation, fueled by her anger, she followed him down the hallway and grabbed his arm. 

-          What, she asked angrily, the hell was that ?

James froze at her touch. He took a second to compose himself, but soon, his usual expression was back. He tilted his head, pulling his arm away, laughing :

-          It’s the second time I’ve heard you swear, he commented. You’re slipping.

-          Don’t mess with me, Gwen said, her eyes flashing dangerously, not caring that people were walking past them, out of class, and glancing at them. Who do you think you are ? Saying all – all those awful things to me, and then, you’re defending me ? I tried to defend you, and I had you bite my head off, so I don’t know where you think you got the right to intervene today.

-          Maybe I just wanted to study. She was disturbing the peace and quiet of the room.

Gwen glared at James, not liking at all his off-hand tone. Could it be he really didn’t care, while she felt like her emotions were ripping her apart ? It was so utterly unfair that she felt as though he angered her even more.

-          You’re a jerk, she snapped.

-          So I’ve been told.

-          I tried to be your friend, you know ? Gwen said, her eyes boring into his. I really did. And maybe you were right. Maybe I did judge you, at first, but that’s only because that’s exactly what you want people to do. It’s like you want people to hate you. I bet half the stories about you aren’t even true, and yet, you feed into them, because you want everyone to think you’re this guy who doesn’t care about anything, and does whatever he wants. And speaking of judging people ? You had spoken two words to me when you called me Little Miss Perfect, so, there you go !

The words kept pouring out, and she was talking too loud, and didn’t make much sense, but she didn’t care. A few late students kept walking down the hallways towards the staircase, but Gwen ignored him.

-          Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t care about anything, she continued, too riled up to stop, you wouldn’t even bother trying to look so careless. You said we were all sheep, but you – you’re trying so hard to be the black sheep that it’s not even cool, it’s even worse. _And_ if you don’t care about me, then don’t defend me, all right ? I can take care of myself. Either I’m in your life, or I’m not. You can’t do things like that.

She felt as though she had so much more to say, but she had lost her train of thoughts. Her cheeks were red, her heart was pounding, and she felt breathless. She stared hard at James’ face, trying to hide the fact that she wasn’t nearly as confident as she wanted to seem. She tried to decipher his expression, but he looked so detached that she missed the turmoil of emotions that lay beneath the cold veil of his gaze.

-          Ugh, she said, throwing her hands up in the air, feeling utterly defeated by his silence. Fine. Just go to hell, James.

Her heart beating painfully from anger and bitterness, she turned away from him, leaving him frozen on his spot, his eyes following her without her knowledge.

As much as she wanted to hide when she thought about all she had said to James, it did feel good to get it off her chest. Things at home were getting easier slowly – Gwen did her best to be nice to her aunt, and she had a feeling Liza regretted being so harsh with her. The two women cohabited in an odd, fabricated calmness – there was nothing natural about it, but they were both trying.

That night, Gwen played piano for an hour, and Liza let her. Then, the teenage girl retreated to bed, braiding her hair, putting on her nightgown. She slipped into bed, a book in her hands. She was just about to turn off a light after thirty minutes, when she heard a little knock at her window.

At first, she thought she had imagined it, or that it had been the wind. But the knock happened again and, frowning, Gwen carefully got out of bed and went to stand by the window, ready to scream in case there was a potential intruder.

And then, through the window, she recognized James’ face.

Stunned, Gwen opened the window, too shocked to question her actions. James, his hair and coat slightly wet from the mist, climbed inside her room, a smile on his face.

-          Hey, birdie, he said, running a hand through his damp hair.

-          Are you insane ? Gwen hissed, running to her bedroom door, locking it quietly. What are you doing here ? My aunt is downstairs – she could hear you !

-          Eh, she’s got ear buds on. I saw her through the window.

-          You’re spying on us ?

-          I was just checking. Before I climbed to your window. It was hard, you know. You could give me a better welcome.

-          A better …

Gwen interrupted herself, too mad to speak. She felt completely out of words. Suddenly realizing she was standing here in a pale, pink nightgown, she grabbed her robe from the hook on the door, and pulled it on, wrapping it around herself tightly.

-          What are you doing here ? she whispered. What do you want ? Are you trying to torture me ?

-          No. I came to talk to you. You left so quickly today, and you talked so much, you didn’t even let me say anything.

-          Wrong, Gwen said, crossing her arms. You did say words, and they weren’t nice ones. Nor were they apologies for your behavior.

-          Well, I’m not here to apologize, James said, crossing his arms as well.

-          Then, you have nothing to say to me.

She was being difficult, and she knew it, but from her point of view, he deserved it. She lifted her chin, glaring at him proudly. He stared back for a moment. She almost expected him to leave as quickly as he’d come, but he didn’t move.

-          You said something, before you left, he said after a moment. You said, either you’re in my life, or you’re not. Well, if I have to choose, I’ll take the first option.

Gwen blinked, her expression still guarded, refusing to give into the relief that threatened to take over her heart. How could she forgive him so quickly, after what he’d said ? The truth was, she wasn’t quite forgiving him, but she found it impossible to turn him away.

-          You can’t actually say it, can you ? she said, her tone softening slightly. You can’t admit we’re friends.

-          Nope, he answered with a grin.

-          But we are friends.

-          If you have to put a label on it, be my guest.

Gwen rolled her eyes but this time, it was with less bite, and more fondness. She looked up at James, and saw a flicker of that softness she sometimes spotted in his gaze.

-          I still think you should apologize, she said, titling her head, arms still crossed. You said some terrible things to me. You were _mean_.

-          Well, I’m not going to apologize.

-          Fine. I’ll accept your lack of apology, if you answer one question honestly, without protest.

-          Ask away, birdie.

-          And you won’t lie ?

-          I won’t lie.

-          The bruise I saw on your stomach in the woods, she said, her gaze never faltering. Did the boys at school do it ?

James clenched his jaw, and she saw him tense up. But he answered her anyway :

-          No.

-          Did Keith hurt you ?

James’ expression shifted, and Gwen’s expression softened. She uncrossed her arms, taking a step forward.

-          No, James said.

-          James, you said you wouldn’t lie.

-          I’m not lying, James answered, shaking his head. It wasn’t Keith. He’s not perfect, and he hates me, but he never laid a hand on me.

-          Then who did ? James, is somebody hurting you ?

-          You said one question, James retorted, frowning.

Gwen sighed, but didn’t give up :

-          If somebody is hurting you, you have to tell somebody, she said. The Sheriff, or someone at school… you can’t let them…

-          Look, it was nothing, all right ? James said, evading her gaze. Some of Keith’s friends can be a little drunk, and rough. I got in the way. It’s no big deal.

-          Does Keith know ?

-          He doesn’t need to. That’s none of his business.

Gwen stared at James, a million questions on her lips, but she felt that the boy was tensing up, and ready to pull away. Finally, she nodded :

-          All right, she said softly. Just be careful, okay ? Don’t let people push you around.

-          It’s not my style, James said, winking.

-          Look, I’m glad you’re here, Gwen whispered quickly. But you have to go, seriously. My aunt could catch you, and if she does, not only will I be grounded forever, but she’ll call the police on you.

-          Oooh, I’m scared, James whispered, leaning close to her ear.

Gwen fought back a shudder at the feel of his breath against her skin, and gave him a look. James let out a soft, almost warm laugh, and he nodded in understanding.

-          All right, all right. I’m leaving. I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation, he said teasingly.

-          Oh shush. Now go !

-          Bye, birdie. Sweet dreams.

-          Bye, James.

He climbed out the window with a surprising ease, as though he had done this his whole life, and Gwen quickly closed her window, pulling back the curtains, her heart still pounding in her chest. She let out a little giggle, covering her mouth with her hand.

She’d had a _boy_ in her room.

What an odd thought to have, after such an intense couple of days and such a conversation and yet, that was the first thought that popped into her head. She shook her head at herself, still smiling, and got under the covers, turning off the light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized the possible misdirect but no, Felicia isn't Felix.  
> Felix will appear. Later. I have plans. I know exactly where I'm going and I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty sure that you'll end up asking for a price on my head.


	5. Of surprises and snowflakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas time in Storybrooke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly shorter than the others, as is the next one.

Gwen was still grounded, so she only spoke to James at school – they kept their friendship quiet for its own sake. Christmas break came, and Gwen didn’t expect to see James during the holidays. She was busy helping her aunt at the restaurant, and besides, Christmas was a time of family, not of friendship. Still, James was on her mind quite often.

On Christmas day, during the afternoon, there was a small gathering in the Town Hall – a display of food and gifts for the less fortunate of Storybrooke. Gwen spotted many familiar faces – the Mayor, the Sheriff, her teachers… she searched the crowd for one particular face, but she didn’t see him.

Dressed in a red dress, a little golden bow in her hair, Gwen felt giddy. She loved Christmas, and the Town Hall was decorated in a nice way. Everything was so lovely and glittery, and some festive music ran through the air. She was helping her aunt arrange gifts people had brought under the Christmas Tree.

She turned, almost bumping into someone. She froze, recognizing Sean Cheree – his little brother, Misha, trailed behind him, quiet and reserved as usual. Gwen smiled – after all, it was Christmas.

-          Hey, Sean said. Here.

He handed her a long, thin package, and Gwen took it, admiring quietly the blue wrapping paper.

-          It’s an umbrella, Sean said, shrugging. You know. In case you couldn’t tell.

-          I could tell, Gwen said with a smile.

-          It means you have eyes, then.

Gwen let out a laugh, and for the first time since she knew him, Sean smiled at her too. There was something oddly comforting about his smile, as though she had longed for it before seeing it.

-          Well, Storybrooke appreciates it, Gwen said, setting the package under the tree for the later distribution.

-          It’s nothing. Thank our parents, not me.

-          Right. Merry Christmas, Sean, Gwen said after a pause.

-          Merry Christmas, Gwen.

He gave her another smile, then retreated to join his brother. Gwen watched him go thoughtfully, wondering why a part of her wanted to walk with him, to join them. Misha gave her a little wave, and she responded to it with a smile.

Perhaps she had been wrong, and the boys didn’t dislike her after all. Where had that assumption coming from, anyway ? Silly, how she couldn’t seem to even remember it.

The afternoon flew by. Gwen’s heart skipped a beat when she spotted the blonde woman (the one that lived in James’ building) with a young man, holding a small baby in her arms. They waved at each other, and Gwen smiled, but couldn’t help a pang of disappointment.

It was a long shot to hope James might show up. Keith didn’t seem like the community Christmas type, and James was hardly the type to come on his own. Gwen sighed, shaking away her brief sadness, and went to join her aunt at the food table, ready to serve.

By nightfall, Gwen was due for a break. She heard some kids yelling happily that it was snowing – oddly, even if Gwen knew she loved Christmas, she could only vaguely remember the last time it had snowed. She put on her coat, wrapped her scarf around her neck, and went outside.

Children were making a snowman under a tree, and Gwen smiled at the sight of them. She leaned against the wall, the smell of food still coming from inside. Snowflakes fell from the sky, thin and rare, glistening in the light of the lampposts and Christmas lights hanging from the trees.

Quickly, the snow seemed to thicken, and the snowflakes grew bigger, making Gwen’s smile of wonder widen. It looked like a fairy tale, and Gwen felt like dancing under the snow, arms open wide, eyes lost into the skies.

The door opened, and a voice called the children. Two of them remained, and Gwen considered asking them if she could join them in their snowman-making endeavor, when the sight of a faraway silhouette made her stop moving.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she squinted, trying to see past the light reflections in the snow. She knew that tall, thin silhouette, this nonchalant manner of walking… a smile formed on her face, and she felt her heart leaping in her chest. She straightened her back, her gloved hands grasping at the fabric of her coat.

Soon enough, her suspicions were confirmed – as if she had any doubt. It was James. Dressed in his usual old, green coat, he had a scarf around his neck, and his hands in his pockets. He was grinning, but there was something different about his smile – something she saw more and more since the time he had visited her in her bedroom.

-          Hey, he said. I knew I’d find you here. In the heart of Christmas spirit.

-          Merry Christmas, James, Gwen said, unable to find it in her heart to retort. What are you doing here ?

-          I was bored.

-          Where’s Keith ?

-          Bar.

Gwen nodded in understanding, feeling saddened. James shook his head at her :

-          Don’t make that face. I don’t care.

-          Still, Gwen said. Nobody should be alone on Christmas.

-          I figured you’d say that. That’s why I came.

-          Oh, as a favor to me, did you ?

-          Yep. Aren’t I the most generous person you’ve ever met ?

-          Oh yes. James, you are a paragon of goodness. A saint, almost.

-          Overselling it a bit there, birdie.

-          Sorry.

They smiled at each other, letting the moment linger.

-          Walk with me.

Gwen nodded, not even thinking of refusing. After all, it was Christmas. She nudged James playfully, and started walking slowly down the lit-up street by his side.

-          So, James said. Have you been a good girl this year ?

-          Mmm, I wish I could say yes, Gwen said lightly. But I haven’t been always good this year.

-          Good answer, James said. It’s fun to be bad.

-          Of course you’d say that. I wouldn’t expect Santa very much, if I were you.

-          I’m not holding my breath.

There was a subtle undercurrent of bitterness to his tone. Gwen bit her lip, her smile fading slightly, and asked :

-          Do Keith and you exchange gifts ?

-          Does beer count as a gift ?

-          James ! Gwen exclaimed, outraged. You don’t – you don’t… drink, do you ?

James stopped walking, and Gwen noticed that he was too busy laughing. Affronted, she crossed her arms, hardly seeing what was so funny about underage drinking.

-          James ! she said, scandalized.

Gasping for breath, his laugh high-pitched, James threw his head back, catching his breath.

-          Oh birdie, he said at last. The look on your face. You’d think I told you Keith makes me cut open puppies every Christmas.

-          Well, forgive me for worrying about your health ! Gwen said, vexed.

-          Relax. I don’t drink. I tried once. Beer tastes terrible. But to answer your question, no gifts. Not his style.

-          That’s so sad, Gwen said, biting her lip.

-          Cheer up, Christmas elf. It’s not like I care.

-          I wish I’d known you were coming. I would have gotten you something.

-          Don’t worry about it.

Gwen couldn’t help but feel a little put-out. She was busy thinking about what she could have gotten James when suddenly, she felt something cold hit her on the sides. She gasped, and turned to see James a little further away, a remnant of snow in his hand.

-          Oh ! she exclaimed. Oh, you have no idea who you’re messing with !

-          Oh really ?

Another snowball hit her and this time, she moved quickly, and picked up some snow, throwing it at James. He laughed as he easily ducked it, but Gwen was nothing if not determined. They ran up the street, circling trees by the Town Hall, throwing snowballs at each other. Gwen burst into laughter when she hit James in the face by mistake.

-          Oh my gosh ! she hiccupped, breathless from laughter. I’m so sorry !

She let out a squeal when James ran towards her, almost leaping like an animal, and caught her by the waist. Gwen tried to fight back, but James held her against him, as he smashed some snow on the side of her neck. Gwen screamed, bringing her shoulder to her ear, freeing herself from James’ grasp.

-          James ! she exclaimed, wiping the snow away, still laughing. That’s cheating !

-          Rules are made to be broken, James said with a grin.

-          Oh, you …

-          Yes. Me.

Gwen punched him on the arm, and James laughed. He grabbed Gwen’s arm and ruffled her hair quickly, before setting her hat back on her head. Gwen gave him a look, mock angrily, then giggled despite herself, missing the way James’ eyes lit up at the sound of her joyful laugh.

-          I should get back inside, Gwen said, wiping her neck once more, brushing off the remnant of snow. Are you coming ?

James glanced towards the building, and shook his head.

-          No. I wouldn’t fit.

-          Of course you would ! Gwen said. It’s Christmas.

-          Your aunt might ground you. Again.

-          No, she won’t. Not today.

-          Whatever. I’ll pass. I'm going to head home. 

Gwen sighed, but didn’t push.

-          Merry Christmas, James, she said again softly, smiling at him.

-          Merry Christmas, birdie.

Gwen smiled : she stood on tiptoe and kissed James on the cheek. He looked at her with an obvious amount of surprise, and she thought he might make fun of her, but he said nothing. He gave her a hint of a smile, then walked away under the falling snow, his hands in his pockets. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was cute. Enjoy it while it lasts (I'm a monster).


	6. Of lazy afternoons and confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and James' friendship strenghtens once again.

-          _Jo's ambition was to do something very splendid. What it was, she had no idea as yet, but left it for time to tell her, and meanwhile, found her greatest affliction in the fact that she couldn't read, run, and ride as much as she liked. A quick temper, sharp tongue, and restless spirit were always getting her into scrapes, and her life was a series of ups and downs, which were both comic and pathetic. But the training she received at Aunt March's was just what she needed, and the thought that she was doing something to support herself made her happy in spite of the perpetual Josy-phine!_

-          I like Jo, James said, lying on his back, his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

Gwen looked down, over the book she held, and grinned.

-          So do I.

When she came back from Christmas break, Gwen was no longer grounded, and ready to start a new year. It was odd, this feeling of a new year – it was almost a new feeling. Which was ridiculous, since obviously, there had been new years before that. She came back to school feeling very well-rested and cheerful, and she was happy to be in the company of Aurelia.

James missed school a lot, but that was nothing new. Gwen couldn’t hang out with him as much as she wanted – she knew that if she did, word would spread around the school and eventually come back to her aunt, who was sure to disapprove. Still, they found moments to talk, and even spend time with each other. Aurelia (slightly disapproving but ever loyal) had covered for her.

That afternoon, though, it wasn’t needed. Liza worked a full day at the restaurant, and she had seemed to take, after a while, Gwen’s words at heart. She kept an eye on her, but granted her more freedom. Still, she didn’t know that while she was at work, James had come over. He’d gone in through the window, despite the lack of need for it.

The day was bright – there was still snow outside, but the sun was shining bright, lighting up Gwen’s room. James was lying on her bed while she sat next to him, reading aloud from Little Women. That was something that had never changed between them : for some reason, he seemed to enjoy hearing her talk about books or read aloud.

-          What’s your favorite book ? James asked, stretching his legs on the bed.

Gwen titled her head and gave it some thought :

-          I don’t know, she admitted. I really couldn’t choose.

-          What if you had to ? What if you had to choose or you die ?

-          Why would I die if I didn’t choose a favorite books ?

-          The world is full of insane, dangerous people.

-          I know. I have one in my room.

James just laughed, and changed position, flipping to lay on his stomach, his hands under his chin. He shifted to glance up at Gwen.

-          Your bedroom’s pretty, he said.

-          You saw it before.

-          I didn’t really look at it. I like the painting.

Gwen turned her head to look at the frame hanging on her wall, above her dresser. It was a painting of a starlit sky.

-          I like it too, Gwen said. It belonged to my parents.

-          Are they dead ?

From anyone else, the question might have seemed insensitive, but Gwen knew James enough by now to know he didn’t mean it this way. He was simply direct. And she was old enough not to feel hurt when she spoke about it.

-          Car accident, Gwen said. I was too young to remember.

-          So you don’t remember them ?

-          No.

-          I remember mine.

Gwen froze, laying the book in her lap and glanced at James. It was the first time he ever mentioned his family.

-          You do ? she asked carefully.

James turned again to lay on his back (sometimes, it was like he couldn’t bear to remain still), and returned his gaze to the ceiling.

-          A bit, he said, with a studied air of nonchalance.

-          Were you very young ?

-          I don’t know how old I was, James said, shrugging. I just remember them talking. It was right before I left.  

-          You left ? Gwen asked, her eyes widening.

-          Yeah.

-          When was this ?

-          I don’t remember. It’s kind of a blur. Do you know what I mean ?

Oh, she did. Sometimes, when she tried to remember something, a particular event, a reason for something, she found it really hard. But that was normal, she supposed – some things were forgotten, over time. Like if Aunt Liza was her aunt on her father’s side or her mother’s. If she had always lived in this house. Or where her dislike of Sean Cheree came from. When she had met Aurelia.

She nodded at James :

-          Yes, she whispered. I do.

James was still not looking at her, but she took the opportunity to study his features. Often, his face bore a mask of carelessness or arrogance ; sometimes, he grinned with mischievousness, almost childish. But at rarer times, such as this one, he looked oddly pensive, as though he was trying to solve an enigma.

-          What do you remember ? Gwen asked softly.

-          They were talking. There was a room, I think – and they were talking. Talking about me.

-          What were they saying ?

-          They were picking out names.

Gwen frowned, a little surprised :

-          Names ?

-          Yes. Names. For a little girl.

-          A little sister ?

James didn’t nod, but Gwen recognized it as a yes. She kept her gaze fixated on James’ face, noticing the way his eyes had a faraway look in them. He seemed detached, unaffected by what he was saying, but Gwen didn’t think he truly was.

-          It was like I wasn’t even there, James added. They didn’t about me anymore – I was old. I wasn’t interesting. Babies are like puppies, you know ? Nobody wants the dog when it’s old and can’t stand up.

Gwen stared at James, a feeling of horror and compassion taking over her heart. She didn’t know what to say, what to feel.

-          So you left ? she whispered.

-          Yeah. I took my bag, and I left.

-          Where did you go ?

-          Not very far. Behind the house. I thought they’d come look for me. But they didn’t. I stayed out all night, and they didn’t. So I left for good. Someone found me. I ended up with Keith. Somehow.

Gwen kept staring : how could James talk so lightly of such a horrible story ? And what kind of parents would ignore their child, and wouldn’t even look for him for twenty-four hours ? They were monsters, Gwen decided. No other explanation.

-          Oh, James, she whispered. I’m so sorry.

At her tone, James seemed to come out of his daze. He looked up sharply, his brow furrowing, and he sat up, staring back at her, an almost animalistic look in his eye.

-          Don’t pity me, he said firmly.

-          I don’t pity you, Gwen answered without flinching. I pity them.

This seemed to unsettle James. He stared back at the girl, his eyes narrowing in confusion :

-          Why ? he asked.

-          Because they let you go. They missed out.

Gwen gave him a smile. James seemed troubled for a moment, at a loss for words, before he looked away, shrugging, standing up.

-          Whatever you say, he said, brushing off the discussion. So what’s in there ? More books ?

He was walking towards her dresser, playing with one of the dolls sitting on top of it, his fingers traveling down to the drawers. Gwen immediately rose to her feet, and went to stand in front of her dresser, snapping one of the barely opened drawers shut.

-          James ! she said, scandalized. You can’t look inside a lady’s dresser !

The levity was back. James gave Gwen a look, and started laughing, pulling back, crossing his arms.

-          A lady, he repeated. Where’s this _lady_ ?

-          Right here, Gwen retorted, huffing. And you can’t look in there. Those are my clothes.

-          So what ? They’re just clothes.

-          Let’s go downstairs, Gwen said, not especially wanting James to ruffle through her bras. Come on.

Grabbing the teenage boy by the wrist, she dragged him towards the staircase. James, surprisingly compliant, let her. Downstairs, she served him cookies and milk, and he seemed surprisingly giddy about it.

He visited her a couple of times during her aunt’s absence. She’d read to him, help with his homework when he would let her. He never stayed long, but it was enough. It was nice.

One day, she played piano for him, and she sang. Her voice was nothing exceptional, but it seemed to soothe him. He told her she sounded like a little bird. It made her smile.

Their friendship had reached an odd sort of ease, in which they had grown comfortable with each other, and much less antagonistic. They were smiling, teasing, generally cheerful. They both found solace in the company of each other.

They were happy.

And of course, as did most happiness in Storybrooke, it couldn’t last.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, James' backstory is heavily inspired by the Peter Pan story. It's a twist. Whether it's what really happened to Peter or a false memory from the curse remains to be seen.


	7. Of love and loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and James ponder the nature of their relationship : the result isn't what Gwen hoped for.

Gwen and James’ close friendship had also translated in their body language : they were physically more comfortable with each other. They sat closer together, they touched more often. Sometimes, he’d play with her hair, and she’d take him by the hand. Sometimes, he’d put his head in her lap while she read. James didn’t seem to think much of it.

It was different for Gwen.

The idea that there was something more to their friendship had been present, vague, hardly constructed, from the start, in Gwen’s mind. It hovered over their interactions, sometimes, without her being able to see it, at first. When she did think of it, she refused to acknowledge it.

After all, it would be rather silly of her to fall for James Young. As much as she cared for him, she wasn’t blind to his fault. He was changeable, immature, hardly stable and besides, she doubted he would ever return deeper feelings. Somehow, it didn’t seem in his nature. As though he was more wind than flesh and bone.

But Gwen was a teenage girl, very introspective, and of course, the thought started to occur to her more often, especially as James and she grew closer. Sometimes, she couldn’t hold back a shiver when he touched her, or a slight flush to her cheeks when he leaned in a little close. Sometimes, she’d think of how it would feel to kiss him. But she also knew that, since she was hardly as close to any other boy, her thoughts might only be the result of curiosity.

She pushed it to the back of her mind as much as she could. It was hard enough being his friend, sometimes, that she couldn’t imagine the struggle it would be to be more.

That afternoon, he was laying on the couch, his head on a pillow in her lap, while she read a book. Eventually, she grew tired of reading, and turned on the television. They rarely ever watched TV, but Gwen recognized a beloved actor on screen, and let out a little squeal. 

-          It’s _Pride and Prejudice_. Have you seen it ? she asked excitedly.

-          Nope.

-          Oh, I love this movie. I need to read the book, when I get a chance.

James stared nonchalantly at the screen, his hand playing distractedly with the hem of Gwen’s skirt. His fingers brushed the skin of her knee, and Gwen quietly shivered, her eyes still on the television. Finally, James glanced at the ceiling, and spoke.

-          Change the channel.

Gwen looked down at him. James was grimacing.

-          Why ? she asked.

-          It’s boring.

-          Why ? Because there’s a love story in it ?

-          _Yes_.

 

Irritated without really knowing why, Gwen, scoffing, grabbed the remote and changed the channel. James grinned when he saw it was a cartoon, but Gwen crossed her arms, staring ahead. James glanced towards her, oblivious, and sat closer to her, bouncing a little on the couch. He nudged her, but Gwen remained unmoving.

-          What’s wrong with you ? he asked her.

-          Nothing.

-          You don’t look happy, birdie.  

-          Most books, most movies have love stories in them, you know, Gwen said, giving him a look. 

-          Well, they shouldn’t. It’s boring.

-          It’s not boring ! Gwen shot back, unsettled by his assertion more than she wanted to admit. Pride and Prejudice is a classic, and it’s not boring at all. Remember _Wuthering Heights_ ? You liked it, and it was a love story.

-          It wasn’t the same. I liked it because they wanted to run around. Not because they got married or something like that.

-          There’s more to life than running around, you know.

-          Not for me.

Gwen let out a frustrated sigh. James seemed to take the conversation with nonchalance, but it affected her, much more than she knew.

-          So, you’ll never fall in love ? she asked him before she could stop herself. You’ll never get married ?

-          Never.

-          Why not ?

-          Because, Gwen ! James said, sounding irritated, glaring at her. I just won’t.

-          Well, I will, Gwen declared, lifting her chin. One day, I’ll fall in love, get married, and have a happy life.

James’ eyes narrowed. He clenched his jaw.

-          Well, good for you, he said coldly.

Gwen almost expected their tiff to escalate, but it didn’t. It ended there. There was a chill between them, but their friendship didn’t feel threatened. Still, to her, it felt like a crack in an already fragile foundation.

 

Their next meeting held none of that tension, thankfully, and it seemed as though James had forgotten about it. So, she decided to do the same, trying to bury the fact that she most certainly did have deeper feelings for him.

By the time she was starting to grow certain of the way she felt, the thought occurred to James for the first time. And while Gwen dealt with it silently, with a sense of wonder and rationality, James’ reaction was much, much different.

 

The idea came to him quite suddenly. One day, she grabbed his hand on the street, pulling him with her for a detour in the park. When she let go, he found that he missed her touch, and for the first time, he ached. He didn’t understand why. It felt odd, uncomfortable. He didn’t like it. It was as though his heart was pulled by a string, and his first instinct was to sever it.

But he couldn’t. He knew one thing, and that was the fact that he didn’t _want_ to be parted from Gwen. That feeling was fundamental, etched within him. The idea of losing whatever he had for her was unbearable, and he couldn’t even consider it. Still, his new thoughts and longing weighed on him so much that he almost suffocated from it.

 

Two days later, he was supposed to walk home with her after school (they were getting reckless, Gwen was aware). After the bell rang, she found him outside, having a tiff with some students. She sighed, shaking her head, fighting the urge to intervene. Thankfully, it didn’t seem violent, but the exchanged words seemed heated. One of the students, spotting Gwen, gave James a shove :

-          Just go, he said. Go be with your little girlfriend.

James narrowed his eyes at the boy, who cowered a bit in front of his glare. James shoved the kid back, and bumped into another, before walking past Gwen.

James had been slightly moodier during the last few days, but Gwen knew him to be rather volatile, so she didn’t think too much of it. She glared at the boys, and followed her friend down the street. Still, as she babbled about her day, she noticed him to be quieter than usual.

-          Are you all right ? she asked.

-          Yeah, James answered. I’m fine.

-          Do you have any plans for the night ?

It was Friday, after all. Gwen often wondered what James did with his time away from her – she knew he didn’t have any friends, which she often found very odd. After all, he could be quite charming and pleasant when he wanted to be, didn’t he ? It was as though people were stuck, frozen in their first impression of him, unable or unwilling to work past it. She found it rather sad, and considered herself lucky to have gotten the chance to know him better.

-          It’s poker night at Keith’s, James said with distaste. So.

Gwen wrinkled her nose, sighing. She had gathered, from James’ words and her own suspicions, that those nights often ended in much drinking. She hadn’t forgotten what James had told her once about Keith’s so-called friends, and she guessed that on those nights, James ended up sleeping outside.

To say she hated the idea would be an understatement.

-          If they’re mean to you… she started.

-          Don’t.

-          But James…

-          Don’t, birdie. I’m serious.

-          Fine. But I told you before, Gwen said. If you need a place to stay, you can come to my house. I’ll hide you for a night.

-          I’m fine.

-          James…

-          I said, I’m _fine_ , Gwen !

His tone, combined with his sullen expression, made her narrow her eyes. She stopped walking, crossing her arms, glaring :

-          What do you always have to react this way ?

-          What way ?

-          Every time I express concern about you, you get like this.

-          I don’t need you to be concerned about me.

-          Well, I’m sorry, but I’ll be concerned if I want to be. I’m being a friend !

-          Then stop.

This hit Gwen harder than the rest of his words.

-          This again ? she said, disappointed. You can’t do that anymore. We are friends, James, and you know it.

-          Fine ! We’re friends, all right ? James said, throwing his hands up, towering over Gwen’s small frame. Friends. Nothing more. You’re not my mother, and you’re not my _girlfriend_.

The way he spat the word out made Gwen’s heart ache. But she ignored it, narrowing her eyes, focusing her attention on James’ demeanor.

-          Is that what this is about ? she asked after a pause. Is it because this boy called me your girlfriend ? Is that why you’re acting so strange ?

-          No. I don’t care what people think.

-          Then what’s _wrong_ with you ? she asked, at a loss.

 Unaware of how much the idea had been weighing on him for the past few days, she reached out to touch him, but he backed away as though her touch was a burn. Hurt, she stared at him, wide-eyed.

-          James…

-          Don’t ! he said loudly. Don’t. I told you. You’re not my girlfriend.

-          Would it be so bad if I were ?

The words were out, even if she hadn’t ever meant to say them. Immediately, she wanted to take them back, especially when she saw the expression on James’ face. He looked as though she had slapped him.

-          Yes, he said ferociously. It would.

-          Why ? Gwen asked, fighting back tears, lifting her chin defiantly. What would be so awful about it ?

 

There it was. The issue they had been avoiding, the mere idea she had tried to ignore, push away, guessing that it would cause tension, that it would probably end in tears for her : there it was. She had said the words, and now, everything was crumbling. The birds, mocking, wouldn’t stop chirping in the trees, filling the silence with their joyful sounds.

-          Because, James said after a moment. Because I don’t want a girlfriend. Ever.

-          Do you prefer boys ? she asked, drawing an irritated sound from him.

-          It’s not about that, he hissed. I don’t want a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. I want nothing. I don’t want _love_.

-          What’s wrong with love ? Gwen asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

-          I’ve seen what it is, James answered, a very obvious aggressive undercurrent in his tone. You’re either stuck in a home with someone you grow tired of, or you end up like Keith. Women keep passing at his apartment, and he’s never happier for it. He drinks himself to sleep.

-          Is that what you think love is ? Gwen said, shocked. That’s not it. Love makes you happy.

-          How would you know ?

Gwen struggled to speak, but couldn’t find the words. James was too hurtful, too convinced, too spiteful for her to hold her own. Especially when he had a point.

What did she know of love ?

She loved her Aunt Liza. She loved Aurelia. But that was different.

What she knew of love, the romantic kind, was a construction she had drawn from books, movies, mere observations. It wasn’t real. It was an idea, the vague silhouette of something she didn’t fully understand. 

Was she in love with James ? The idea had some basis, but even if she was, she could hardly use it in the argument that love made people happy. Because as good as his company could make her feel, she knew from experience that he also possessed the ability to make her completely miserable, the way he was doing now.

Was this what love was ?

-          I don’t, she finally said, voice shaking, lips trembling. But I know it’s true. Maybe it’s not always happy, but it can be.

-          Either way, I want no part of it, James shot back, crossing his arms with a cold air.

Gwen glared, fighting back the sting of tears in her eyes. James was staring at her too, his stance closed off, his gaze hard to read. Finally, Gwen broke and looked away, gritting her teeth in frustration. He made an almost imperceptible movement, as if to reach out to her, but she missed it.

-          Fine, she said, rubbing her forehead tiredly. Never mind, just forget it. I’ll see you Monday.

She saw him nod from the corner of her eye. She sighed, and started walking towards her house, leaving him on the sidewalk. He stared at her retreating back until she disappeared.

As she walked, she felt her anger and frustration be replaced by hurt and heartbreak. How foolish she was ! Despite her better judgement, and her refusal to hope for anything besides friendship, she had hoped – she would have dishonest to pretend otherwise. It wasn’t so much that she had actively wanted more from him – she hadn’t let herself desire any true change to their relationship, not really. But as she walked away from him, tears burning her eyes and pain clutching her chest, she realized that she wanted him to _love_ her. She wanted him to want her, and the fact that he so clearly didn’t, and was even _disgusted_ by the idea, hurt, hurt so much she could hardly breathe.

 

She made it back to her home. She dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes by the door. Her aunt greeted her from the kitchen, but Gwen couldn’t even bear to smile. She choked out a greeting before running up to her room. She closed the door behind her and curled up on the bed, clutching her pillow, tears finally falling freely from her eyes. Small, painful sobs shook her small frame as she hid her face against the sheets.

She heard a few knocks at the door. She didn’t answer. Slowly, the door opened and Liza, a pained expression on her face, went to sit by her. She said nothing. She could only guess the source of her anguish – after all, didn’t all teenage girls go through it, at some point ? She didn’t ask question. It wasn’t the time. So she simply sat down, and caressed Gwen’s hair soothingly, until the young girl’s sobs died down.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I'm sorry. I'm evil.  
> For those of you who like the fluff, this isn't the absolute end of it, don't worry. There's a bit of a rocky road ahead for Gwen and James. So, just wait and see ! :)


	8. Of bruises and stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Gwen comes to terms, she receives yet another surprise.

That evening, Gwen curled up on the sofa next to Aunt Liza, and they watched a silly comedy, before they both headed off to bed. Sometimes, Gwen was still surprised by her aunt, and the kindness she hid behind her rigid exterior.

Feeling better, if slightly numb, Gwen stared at herself in the mirror of her bedroom as she brushed her hair. Her eyes were no longer red, but she looked worn, and paler than usual. Still, as she stared at her reflection, she took a deep breath and steeled herself.

So what if James didn’t want her ? They were still friends. It meant something, didn’t it ? And she would stay his friend, no matter what. He couldn’t change the way he felt any more than she could. So she would have to hold her chin up, to breathe and forget about her feelings. Perhaps they would disappear, and she could go back to being his friend without it hurting her.

She wouldn’t cry anymore. After all, she was a smart and pretty girl, and her life didn’t revolve around James. She had her friends, she had her books, her piano and her aunt, and so many things waiting for her while she grew up. Love, happiness, fulfillment would come later. All heroines had to struggle before succeeding, and she would do the same.

She was destined to do great things, and she would do them, someday. She was growing certain of that.

So much had changed in her, these past times. She had discovered a side of herself that she hadn’t been able to before, and she was starting as if at last, she was starting to be herself. Starting to discover who she was, past the empty shell of the person she had felt forced to be before.

Yes. Things would be all right.

With this new resolution and hope in her heart, Gwen climbed into bed, turned off the light, and closed her eyes.

She fell asleep quicker than she thought she would. The day had drained her, and she fell into a sleepless dream.

The sound of little, quiet knocks against her window woke her in the middle of the night. Still in a daze, the teenage girl blinked, awakening with fear, and rushed to the window. Before she reached it, she knew who it was.

She didn’t expect what she was about to see, though.

-          Oh my gosh… James !

Quickly, her trembling hands flew to the window and she opened it, letting the boy climb in. The light wasn’t on, and the room remained dark, but some light from the town, outside, allowed her to clearly see the cut on James’ forehead, and his bruised knuckles.

-          Hey, birdie, he said with a lopsided grin, but Gwen wasn’t having it.

-          James, she breathed out. What happened ?

 She pulled back to look at him, closing the window while he leaned against the wall. He was still grinning, but she could tell that it was forced, and that he was hiding his emotions underneath his playful mask.

-          I thought I’d surprise you, he said.

-          You’re hurt.

-          What, this ? You should see the other guy.

Gwen felt like she was about to cry, and she was shivering. James swallowed, his feelings exposed by her piercing gaze.

-          Do you want me to leave ? he asked.

-          No ! No, Gwen said, shaking her head. Stay. Stay. Are you hurt anywhere else ?

-          I’m fine.

-          Then humor me, Gwen retorted without hesitation.

She looked at him, her gaze firmer than ever. James shifted, his eyes evading hers, and finally, he lifted up his coat and shirt, revealing a bruise on his stomach. Gwen winced, squinting to see better in the dark.

-          It’s fine, he said. I put ice on it earlier. It’s okay.

-          But you have a cut, Gwen said, referring to his forehead. Who did this to you ? Keith’s friends ?

-          They were drunk. We got into a little tiff.

Gwen sighed. From James’ tone, she could only imagine he had done his best to irritate them. Still, that was no excuse for their behavior, and she was oscillating between concern and anger.

-          I didn’t come here for pity, James said shortly. I came because we had a fight. I didn’t like it. I want to undo it.

If she hadn’t been so upset and troubled, Gwen would have started laughing. Instead, she gave a pained smile, and sighed again :

-          You can’t just undo things, James, she answered softly.

-          Why not ?

-          Because you can’t. When you do something, you have to accept consequences afterwards.

-          I hate that word.

-          Consequences ?

-          Yes.

-          Why ?

-          Consequences are rarely good.

She bit her lip, unable to find words to contradict. She just didn’t have the heart to do it – not when he looked so small. So young, and yet so old at the same time. It was as though in the dark, he wasn’t the same boy she saw in the light of the day.

-          We’re still friends, right ?

She stared at him, her heart aching, a little surprised at his words. It wasn’t like him to speak of friendship without her cornering him into it – and despite his bravado, his studied nonchalance, there was a true vulnerability to his tone. It was the first time she found it that obvious.

-          Of course, she said confidently. Of course we are.

His shoulders seemed to relax a little, and he winced slightly.

-          Oh, James, Gwen exclaimed softly, her dainty fingers brushing across his forehead, over the darkened skin below his hair. James, you have to tell someone…

-          There’s nobody to tell, James said, pulling away from her.

-          Keith has to know.  And if he doesn’t do anything, somebody has to know – James, tell me, does this happen a lot ?

-          No ! No. Gwen, stop fussing – you’re being such a girl…

-          There’s nothing wrong with being a girl, Gwen snapped quietly. And you have a cut – we need to clean it, or it might get infected.

-          I put some water on it.

-          That’s not enough. I’ll be right back.

Her tone was firm, and he didn’t protest, also from his stance, she could clearly see that he wasn’t pleased. She didn’t wait for him to talk. Quickly, she ran to the bathroom, walking carefully by her aunt’s room. When she returned to her own bedroom, a cloth in her hand, James was standing by the opened window.

-          What are you doing ? she hissed, locking the door carefully behind her. Are you – are you _leaving_ ?

-          I shouldn’t have come. It was stupid.

-          James, no !

Gwen smashed the window shut, shuddering when she realized the sound she had made. She froze in the dark, her hand flying to James’ chest to hold him in place – she brought her fingers to her lips and waited for a few seconds, to see if she had woken up her aunt.

Nothing. Aunt Liza was still asleep. Gwen let out a sigh of relief, and looked back up at James’ face, who was barely lit from the light of outside.

-          Listen to me, she whispered to him, leaning in closer to him, her body almost touching his. You are not leaving. I’m going to clean your wound, and you’re going to rest. I’m not letting you go home until I know you’re fine.

-          I can’t stay here. Your aunt…

-          … is asleep. My door is locked. Everything will be fine.

James’ intense gaze was fixated on her in the dark. Gwen held the cloth between her fingers, and held it close to his face.

-          This might sting a little.

James winced when she started to clean the cut on his forehead. It was quickly done – after all, it was a small cut, but Gwen insisted on doing it. As she did it, James stared at her face intently, his emotions visible on his face, veiled by the darkness.

-          There, Gwen said, setting the cloth down on the windowpane.

-          Thank you.

It was the first time he had ever thanked her for anything. Gwen smiled briefly.

-          Do you want to sit ? she asked him quietly.

James didn’t answer. He was still staring at her, as though he was trying to solve a mystery. She stared back, curiously, and smiled, trying to lighten the mood :

-          What ? she said. What are you looking at ?

Once again, he said nothing, and Gwen grew concerned :

-          What is it ? she asked quickly, studying his face in worry. Are you all right ? Are you hurt ? You should really sit.

-          Why did you let me stay ? he suddenly asked, his voice slightly rough, almost aggressive, as though he didn’t know how else to express his emotions.

-          What do you mean ? Gwen asked, honestly surprised.

-          You were mad at me earlier. And now, you say we’re still friends, and you’re helping me.

-          You thought I’d throw you out ? Gwen asked. I wouldn’t never do that. You should know better, James. Don’t you know me at all ?

She couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt. He stared at her again, his jaw clenched.

-          It doesn’t make sense to me, he admitted quietly, his confusion and frustration clear.

Gwen didn’t know what to say. She struggled for a few seconds, then whispered firmly :

-          I care about you. I don’t like it when you get hurt. That’s all the sense you need. You wouldn’t like it if I got hurt, would you ?

-          No, he said immediately. No. I’d hate it.

-          Well, there you go, she said softly.

He didn’t look satisfied. Even though he wasn’t moving, he seemed agitated, almost pained. Was his bruise worse than Gwen thought ? She hadn’t seen very well, in the dark, and he hadn’t exactly let her examine him.

-          Are you going to be all right ? she asked after a moment, unable to stand the silence.

-          I’m fine, he whispered, his voice raspy, throaty.

-          Are you sure ?

-          Yes. Yes, just… be… be quiet, for a second.

Usually, Gwen would have protested, but there was something desperate, lost about his tone. She closed her mouth, and watched James’ eyes as they washed over her face. Just as the silence was getting too much for her, he spoke :

-          It’s… I…

He paused in frustration, seemingly struggling with his words, his eyes evading hers.

-          I… he whispered. It’s just that… no one has ever…

-          Ever what ? Gwen asked softly, quietly.

-          Ever… ever…

No one had ever what ? _Helped_ him ? _Cared_ for him ? As Gwen struggled with the possible endings of that sentence, her heart aching so very painfully for the boy, she felt him move. She focused her gaze on him, pulled from her thoughts. His eyes bore into hers, dark, full of anguish. But they were also filled with need, and as soon as she understood it, Gwen only had time to widen her eyes, gasping slightly, before he was leaning in to press his lips to hers.

To say she hadn’t expected that would be an understatement. But she didn’t push him away – the fact that she had wanted him to do that for a while was now clear to her. She had never kissed anyone before (never had he, she thought) – and at first, it was odd. Her lips were tingling, and she was physically puzzled by the experience. It wasn’t unpleasant at all. Descriptions in books hadn’t prepared for that, though – she had expected fireworks, bells ringing, heart soaring. Instead, all she had was trembling hands, pounding heart and darkness all around her.

She tilted her head slightly – that was the way to proceed, wasn’t it ? – and moved her lips tentatively against his, eyes closing. She didn’t fully realize what was happening until he pulled away – she opened her eyes to stare at him.

She had never seen such an expression on his face. He looked confused, scared, stunned, vulnerable – full of need and fear. In the dark, her eyes searched his. Had he meant to do that ? Did he regret it ? Was he going to push her away again ?

He didn’t move. He was simply staring at her, as though he was suddenly frozen. Gwen felt her heart pound in her chest, as thoughts raced through her mind like a whirlwind. A few seconds passed and then, the teenage girl made her decision. Scared, but determined, she took a small step towards him, put a hand on his arm, and stood on tiptoe to kiss him again.

The first kiss had been surprising, new – she appreciated the second one more. The softness of his lips, the warmth of his body. At first, she was terrified that he might reject her, but he didn’t. He unfroze, and she heard him take a sharp breath before he kissed her back with a surprising amount of intensity. His hand moved to tangle in her hair, and he pulled her head closer to him, deepening the kiss. It was fast, heated, almost too much for her : he was passionate, needy, while she remained hesitant, careful, explorative. They were nothing more than teenagers, and to them, each touch was new, but James seemed ignited in a way she wasn’t. Gwen’s mind was filled with thoughts, images, while he moved on instinct.

They both felt as though they were drowning in stars.

They pulled away, breathless, staring at each other for a few seconds. Gwen was just starting to form coherent thoughts again, trying to figure out what to say, but James didn’t give her the time to speak. His gaze was on her mouth again, as though he had just discovered a treasure, and he took her face with both hands, pressing his lips against hers again. Gwen let out a muffled sound of surprise and pleasure, trying to catch her breath. He pulled away, then kissed her again, each kiss quick, oddly tender and urgent. Gwen, overwhelmed, put her hands on his arms and pulled away, breathless, a smile forming on her face.

-          James, she whispered.

He stopped and stared at her. She was pleased to see he seemed as unhinged as she was – mouth hanging open, pupils dilated and flushed cheeks. She pressed her forehead against his, and she felt his hands caress the side of her head.

-          Can I sleep here ? he asked quietly. Please. I don’t want to go out there. I want to stay here with you.

Gwen felt completely overwhelmed. He had never been like that – he had been affectionate before, but never tender, and never quite so vulnerable and open.

-          Sure, she answered. You can take my bed.

At this, he pulled back and gave her a look :

-          A gentleman doesn’t steal a lady’s bed, he said, a twinkle in his eye.

Gwen giggled, elated, feeling light :

-          Since when are you a gentleman ? she teased him quietly.

-          Good point. But I’m still sleeping on the floor.

-          But you’re bruised.

-          I’ve had worse, birdie.

She was about to protest again, but he was already lying on the floor by the window, curling up on the carpet. Gwen opened the closet slowly, and handed him a blanket and a pillow.

-          You’ll have to go before my aunt comes to wake up, she whispered, kneeling next to him.

-          Don’t worry. I will.

-          All right.

She looked at him a moment, lost in thoughts. She wasn’t sure if she had been asleep all along, and had dreamed of that kiss. It seemed so surreal that she could hardly believe it happened. Only the remaining tingle of her lips reminded her of that fact. She was about to stand up, when she felt James move beside her. He was sitting up, his hand grabbing her arm to stop her from moving. He leaned up and kissed her again – how was it that he was confident enough to do that, while she was still trying to wrap her mind around everything ? Was this a game to him ? His kiss erased all thoughts from her mind, though, and she kissed him back before pulling away, smiling :

-          Good night, she whispered.

-          Night, birdie.

She stood up and ran to her bed, getting under the covers, pulling them up to her neck. She found herself smiling big, almost unable to sleep, both giddy, confused, happy and fearful. She could only pray this wouldn’t turn out to be a dream, or a simple incident he would insist on forgetting about.

But happiness overshadowed all other emotions, and she fell into a deep sleep, filled with stars and kisses.

When she woke up, he was already gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may squeal. Also, this is my last chapter for a few days, because it's the end of the semester. You can expect one this week-end, I think, but not before !


	9. Of understandings and adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Gwen reach an understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating it PG-13 just to be sure.

As disappointed as she was that he had left without saying goodbye, Gwen could hardly feel offended. After all, the looming threat of her aunt knocking at the door had been present, and perhaps he hadn’t wanted to wake her.

She did her best to keep a straight face during breakfast, and then at school, when she met up with Aurelia. To be honest, her mind was on James, and she looked forward to seeing him. She knew the previous night had happened – she couldn’t have dreamed it, and she refused to tell herself that anymore – but she longed to talk to him, to touch him, to make sure it wouldn’t be just a fleeting memory they would both ignore.

She caught a quick glimpse of him before class, but couldn’t speak to him or she would be late. She didn’t even catch his eye.

She didn’t see him the rest of the day at school.

A bad feeling weighed on her – was he avoiding her ? He probably was, she thought sadly – it wouldn’t be new. He most likely regretted everything, and wanted to forget. Well, she wouldn’t let him, she thought with determination.

After all, you couldn’t just kiss a girl like that and refuse to talk to her afterwards, James Young or not. She wouldn’t let him get away with it.

Later that day, she heard he had gotten in trouble again, and that he had been suspended from school. Gwen took the news with both relief and worry : relief that the cause of his disappearance wasn’t her, and worry that he would get into more trouble from his suspension.

After school, she walked home alone, pondering the idea of going to see him, but she found she didn’t him to. As she walked by the park they sometimes took a detour by, she saw him sitting on a bench, playing with a wooden stick, drawing figures on the sandy ground.

Her heart almost leapt out of her chest at the sight of him, but she contained herself. Slowly, she climbed over the small fence, and went to sit next to him. As she approached, he looked up, but didn’t speak.

-          Hi, she said after a moment.

-          Hey, birdie.

He was oddly quiet, pensive. He wasn’t pushing her away, but he didn’t seem exactly tender either. Gwen bit her lip, wondering what to make of his behavior, then spoke again :

-          I was afraid you might be avoiding me, she said.

-          I wasn’t. Got suspended.

-          I heard. Are you okay ?

-          Yeah.

-          What happened ?

James just shrugged, and Gwen fought back a little sigh. That was all the explanation she would get, of course. She hesitated, waiting for him to speak again, but he didn’t. She waited, her mind swirling with thoughts ; then, she took a deep breath, and started talking again :

-          I’ve been thinking, Gwen said, biting her lip. Because we – well, we kissed. But you also said you didn’t want a girlfriend. That we were only friends.

He said nothing, still staring at the dancing leaves.

-          The thing is, Gwen continued, friends aren’t supposed to kiss like that.

-          Why not ?

He sounded honestly curious, as though the question puzzled him. Gwen furrowed her brow in thought, and answered :

-          I don’t know, exactly. But I think that when you want to kiss someone, it means you’re not their friend. It means you’re more.

-          It’s what Keith does, you know, James said after a moment. He’s got a lot of girlfriends. It never lasts. He ends up angry at them, or they end up angry at him, and then, they never come around anymore. The woman comes over once, twice, and then they never talk to each other again.

-          It won’t be like that with us, Gwen assured him.

-          I could make you angry. You could make me angry. It happened before.

-          Yes. But we’re still talking.

-          Because we’re friends. I don’t want you to be my girlfriend if it means you’ll hate me. I’d rather stay your friend.

Gwen looked down, trying to find the words to express what she was thinking. She certainly couldn’t force him to be with her if he didn’t want to – but she felt as though, accepting his words would be too close to defeat, to an acceptance she didn’t feel right about. He spoke before she could, though :

-          But I liked yesterday, he said, looking straight ahead of him. And if you say I can’t both be your friend and do _that_ , then… I’ll be whatever you want me to.

Gwen blinked, not sure she had heart right. She studied his face, wishing he would look at her, her heart beating hard and fast in her chest.

-          What do you mean ? she asked carefully.

-          I want you with me, he said, turning his head to look at her.

The teenage girl swallowed again, an odd feeling settling in her heart – perhaps if she hadn’t felt so happy to see him return her feelings, she would have troubled by the intense, possessive look in his eyes. She nodded, and moving her hand to lace her fingers with his. He looked down for a moment, and squeezed her hand. He looked back up, and this time, she was the one to lean in and kiss him. His reaction didn’t disappoint: he used his free hand to place it on her neck, drawing her closer.

-          I want you all to myself, he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers, his breath warm against her lips. You can’t go, now. Promise me.

-          I promise, she answered without thinking, kissing him again.

This time, he grinned against her lips and she let out a small squeal when both his arms circled around her waist. He buried his face against her neck, holding her, and she giggled, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.

-          This is fun, he whispered, pulling away with a grin, standing up, taking her hand to pull her up.

-          What are you doing ? Where are we going ? James, I have to get home !

-          Live a little, birdie !

She rolled her eyes, but followed him nonetheless. He dragged her through the forest, outside the park, stopping along the way to kiss her or twirl her around, laughing. Sometimes, she’d let go of his hand and run, and he’d chase her until he caught her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

-          No ! he’d say. You can’t get away. I’ll always catch you.

Somehow, those words held a sense of deja-vu, as though Gwen had already heard them before. But her joy was too great for her to think of it too much.

They kept it a secret, like their friendship, mainly so Aunt Liza wouldn’t find out and ground Gwen again. The teenage girl was happy. Things between James and her hadn’t changed that much – but now, there were kisses, hugs, and she thought he seemed happier, lighter than before. As for her, she felt free. She felt like she was alive, at last.

It was almost too good to be true. A small part of her seemed to sense it, deep within her soul, but it was buried in the haze that often seemed to hover over her thoughts.

Mostly, though, she was happy. Not only did she get to share lovely moments with James, but the secrecy of it all made it much more exciting. She felt as though she was living an adventure, like she had always, somehow, dreamt of it.

One day, she caught him between classes, behind the gymnasium. Before she could speak, he pushed her against the wall playfully, silencing her with a kiss.

-          James, she whispered, pushing him away. Someone could see !

-          Let them, he grinned.

-          You’re insane. Also, I have something for you.

At this, he raised his eyebrows, and Gwen pulled from her pocket a small package.

-          Merry Christmas, she said.

-          Christmas ? he answered. Christmas is over, birdie.

-          Consider it a late present, Gwen answered. Come on. Open it.

James grinned, and opened the small box, revealing a little silver keychain inside. It was shaped like a star.

-          It made me think of you, Gwen said. Do you like it ?

-          Yeah, James said, staring intensely at the little shining object. I really do.

He held it up between his fingers, his brow slightly furrowed, as though the keychain evoked some kind of memory in him. He shook his head quickly, snapping out of it, then grinned again :

-          I like it. I need to get something for you, too.

-          Oh, no, Gwen said, shaking her head. You don’t need to buy me anything.

-          I do.

-          James, no. Don’t waste your money on this ! I forbid it.

-          I won’t waste my money, James said. I have no money. I’ll just steal some.

-          James ! Gwen exclaimed, scandalized. No !

-          What ?

-          James, I forbid you to steal money to get me a gift, Gwen said, crossing her arms severely. Any gift coming from stolen money will be refused, I swear to it !

James pouted, sliding the keychain in his pockets.

-          Fine, he said. I’ll come up with something else. Hey, are you free after school ?

-          Not today. But tomorrow. Liza’s working a late shift.

-          Good. Meet me after school. For your present.

-          No stealing !

-          No stealing.

-          Promise me.

-          You’re no fun. But I promise.

Gwen rolled her eyes, but smiled when the boy kissed her cheek before disappearing inside the gymnasium. Sighing, briefly reflecting on how she could find him so insufferable and so endearing at the same time, she ran a hand through her hair, her smile lingering on her face.

She met him the next day after school, like promised. Quickly, he slipped his hand into hers, and led her through the park, then into the forest.

-          Is my gift a hike ? Gwen asked, out of breath after a moment. Because it’s starting to feel like it.

-          Be patient, birdie. We’re almost there.

They ventured deep into the forest, reaching a small cabin in the woods. Gwen gave James a questioning look, and he grinned, gesturing proudly towards the cabin.

-          Welcome to my secret hideout, he said.

-          Your secret hideout ? Gwen asked curiously.

-          Yeah. When I don’t sleep at Keith’s, that’s where I go.

-          Here ? But – doesn’t it belong to someone ?

James shrugged, sticking his hands into his pockets.

-          Been empty for as long as I remember. I think someone was in there, a few weeks ago, but I haven’t seen anyone. Finder’s keepers.

Gwen rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. James walked towards her, still smiling, and he put his hands on her waist.

-          It’s your present, he said. I brought you to visit my secret house.

At this, Gwen softened a bit.

-          That’s really sweet, she said.

-          Nobody has ever called me sweet.

-          Well, maybe I’m special, she said innocently, before grinning and kissing him on the nose.

He wrinkled his nose at the gesture, but grabbed her hands and pulled her towards the door. He opened it with a kick, and dragged Gwen inside.

-          So this is where you sleep, sometimes, Gwen said, looking around. It’s cozy. But really, won’t you get into trouble if the owner finds out ?

-          What’s life without a little danger ? James said, grinning. Come here.

He grabbed Gwen by the hand and pulled her towards the sofa. She let out a squeal, finding herself on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and captured her lips with his, smiling against her mouth.

-          You’re impossible, she told him between kisses.

-          You love it.

-          Do I  ?

-          Of course you do, James said, pulling away, leaning his head against the back of the couch. I bring excitement to your boring life.

-          _Boring_ ? _Excuse_ me ?

-          You’re so easy to rile up, James said, laughing heartily.

-          Am not !

-          Are too.

He kissed her again to quiet down her protests. She mumbled against his mouth but didn’t push him away. He slipped a hand under her shirt to caress her lower back, and he pulled away to kiss her quickly, before trailing kisses down her jaw to her neck.

She shivered : this was new. He didn’t miss her reaction. He let out a low chuckle, grinning, and pressed his mouth to her neck again. She moaned quietly, and immediately blushed.

-          You like that, birdie ? he asked, smiling smugly.

-          Mmmm, she answered, before bending down to kiss him again.

As his mouth was opening to deepen the kiss, and she re-positioned herself on top of him, her legs straddling his waist, she realized that this wasn’t just kissing anymore. It was making out.

It was exciting.

It was obviously having an effect on him (possibly more so than on her), because he was breathing heavily, his fingers digging into her skin.

-          Thank you for the present, she said between kisses.

-          I’ll get you something better, one day, he breathed out, pressing his mouth to her jaw. You’ll see.

-          I don’t need anything better.

He nuzzled her neck, and kissed her skin. She sighed heavily. She could hardly believe how sweet, how tender and affectionate he could be. Ever since they had reached an understanding, he had exceeded her expectations. It was almost frightening, the way he was throwing himself into her as though nothing else mattered. There was a need to his actions that she hadn’t foreseen, and hadn’t been prepared for.

She had thought she felt for him more than he felt for her, and perhaps that was still true. But he needed her more than she needed him, and she didn’t know if that was good thing.

The afternoon was a lovely one. James’ intense embraces and kisses were thrilling, if a little scary for the teenage girl. She was one to reflect and ponder things before truly feeling them, but she realized that her desires and needs were changing. That was a frightening prospect, but she wasn’t about to run from it. This was a part of growing up, wasn’t it ?

She missed him greatly during the rest of the week-end. On Monday morning, she put on her coat and walked quickly to the school, hoping to catch him before class and maybe share a kiss her too. Not only did her mind and heart miss him, but her body did too, starting to long for his embrace and warm touch.

She was in such a hurry to find him that, distracted, she didn’t watch where she was going and ended up crashing into someone. Squeaking, she pulled back, and immediately knelt down to pick up the book the stranger had dropped.

-          I’m so sorry, she said, standing back up. Here ! Did I hurt you ?

-          No, you didn’t. It’s all right.

Gwen looked up, finally getting a good look at the person she had bumped into. He was tall, blond, very thin – was that a scar on his face ? She squinted at the tall boy, pausing for a moment. While every face at school seemed familiar to her, this boy was a complete stranger to her. Tall as he was, he was probably in the higher grades and yet, Gwen was sure she had never seen him before.

He was looking at her differently, though. There was a hint of recognition in his eyes, but Gwen missed it.

-          Are you new here ? she asked, unable to stop her curiosity.

The boy gave her a smile, nodding simply :

-          Yes. I am.

Why was this so odd ? After all, new students happened all the time, didn’t they ? And yet, Gwen couldn’t remember a single new student at the school for years. Thinking she had probably forgotten, she said nothing of it, and smiled :

-          Well, welcome to Storybrooke, then. I hope you like it here.

-          I’m sure I will. Thank you… ?

-          Gwen. Gwen Berry, she said, holding out her hand.

An odd smile formed on the boy’s face, as though there was something amusing about the situation and he nodded :

-          Gwen. It’s very nice to meet you.

His hand seized hers, and a little chill ran through Gwen. She froze, studying the young man’s face : there was something very unsettling about him, as though he knew something she didn’t. And (despite the fact that she cursed herself for thinking such a horrible and mean thing), he looked like he _didn’t belong here_. Gwen forced the smile to remain on her face nonetheless : after all, he was perfectly nice, and he had given her no reason to be rude. She was probably just imagining things.

-          I’ll see you around, then, Gwen.

-          Right.

The boy smiled again, and turned away. Gwen’s eyes followed his retreating back for a few seconds :

-          Wait  ! she said suddenly. You didn’t tell me your name !

The newcomer turned to face her, his smile still in place, small, mysterious, knowing :

-          My name is Felix. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is James’ outlook on relationships healthy ? Not really. But it would be OOC if it was, wouldn’t it ? And Gwen is too naïve to properly realize it.  
> Also, you might scream. Because FELIX. Does he have good intentions ? Does he remember who he is ? Will he cause trouble for our young lovers ?  
> The answer to at least one of these questions is Hell yes.


	10. Of new acquaintances and discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has a new friends, and Gwen is very conflicted about it

Gwen forgot about the new boy a few minutes after he left, wrapped in James’ arms and her thoughts brushed away by his kiss. But she was soon reminded of his existence, and in ways she didn’t nearly appreciate.

He befriended James.

People at school had always disliked James – for reasons Gwen both understood and didn’t (sometimes she felt as though this whole town was frozen in a certain status quo, that had trouble changing, no matter what) - but Felix was soon found in James’ company. They seemed to be alike, in many ways, from Gwen could observe : Felix was sarcastic, rebellious, in a quieter way than James was. And surprisingly, James took to Felix right away. It was as though the other boy had known exactly what things to say to attract James’ friendship (a feature that Gwen knew wasn’t easy to accomplish).

Gwen wanted to be glad. After all, she knew for a fact that James was lonely. He had no friends, no family, and surely her presence couldn’t enough for him. But she just couldn’t bring herself to like this new development. From an outside look, it was as though James and Felix were now thick as thieves, mimicking each other’s behavior. In a few days only, Felix joined James in the fear and dislike other students felt for him. More, they seemed to relish in it.

Of course, Gwen tried not to judge : after all, she didn’t know Felix. Appearances could be deceitful. She had learnt that from James. And since she didn’t spend any time with him in public, she didn’t get to know Felix at all. She only knew what she saw, what she heard in the halls – and what she heard from James, who liked to recount to her tales of Felix’ adventurous side.

Was she jealous that this new boy captured James’ attention so much ? Perhaps that was a part of it, but she refused to even admit it. Still, it wasn’t all. She was genuinely concerned, and frightened. Because James seemed on the verge of calming down ever since he had been with her and now, Felix’s presence had brought back his usual behavior with even more fury.

Her worry took shape one day, after school, while she was helping Aunt Liza make dinner. While she was cutting up vegetables, humming a song she had heard during the day, Gwen was pulled from her thought by her aunt’s voice.

-          Do you still see that boy ? James Young ?

Gwen froze, thankful that she was facing away from Liza. Composing herself, Gwen continued what she was doing and answered :

-          I see him at school.

-          That’s all ? You don’t talk to him ?

-          Sometimes, Gwen answered carefully. Why do you ask ?

She turned towards her aunt, who was stirring the pot by the stove. Liza looked thoughtful, and she answered :

-          He was at the restaurant last night. Him, and a friend of his. They were hanging around the parking lot.

Gwen did her best to keep a straight face, despite the fact that her heart was beating painfully in her chest.

-          What were they doing ? she asked.

-          Nothing much, Liza admitted. Playing. Sitting on cars. One customer came out, and they wouldn’t move from the hood of his car. We almost called the Sheriff.

-          But they didn’t do any damage, Gwen said quickly. Did they ?

-          They didn’t have time, no.

Gwen swallowed, avoiding her aunt’s eyes, hoping she wasn’t too obvious. The conversation ended there, but Gwen was troubled. Every time she caught a glimpse of James with Felix at school, she felt as though he was miles away, almost in another world. The day after she had talked with Liza, she was sitting in the cafeteria, next to the window. Through it, she could see James and Felix outside, talking and laughing. James seemed happy.

The fact that she wasn’t happy for him made her feel incredibly guilty, but there was also a part of her that was angry at him, at them – and she didn’t know why, exactly.

-          So, the new guy, Aurelia said, taking a bite of her salad. What’s his name again ?

-          Felix, Gwen answered, her eyes never leaving the two silhouettes outside.

-          Right. Strange how he just showed up, out of the blue, isn’t it ? He’s weird. He’s kind of quiet, except to make one sarcastic comment or two. For his audience.

-          His audience ?

-          Young.

Gwen tore her eyes away from the boys, and looked down at her plate.

-          Yeah, Aurelia continued. He’s like, fixated on him or something. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Felix wants a boyfriend.

-          I don’t think that’s it.

-          Maybe not, Aurelia said, shrugging. Still. They’re both freaks.

-          James isn’t a freak, Gwen said, without being able to stop herself.

-          Not so long ago, you would have agreed.

Gwen said nothing. She could feel Aurelia’s eyes on her, and refused to meet her gaze.

-          I miss you, you know, Aurelia said suddenly.

-          What ?

-          Yeah. We used to study together, sometimes – when your aunt would let us. But now, you’re always… busy.

Gwen felt a pang of guilt in her chest : perhaps she had been too wrapped up in her relationship with James to truly be with her friend. Aurelia had always been kind and protective of her, and in many ways, she’d always been her only friend. Gwen’s eyes widened, and she shook her head :

-          I’m – I’m so sorry. I’ve been distracted. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.

-          It’s fine.

-          No, it’s not, Gwen insisted, shaking her head.

To hell with James and Felix, she thought forcefully. If she was too wrapped up in her personal drama to be a friend, who was she ?

-          Let’s do something today, she said. After school. Let’s go shopping or something.

-          Will Liza let you ?

-          She will, Gwen assured her friend.

Aurelia’s bright grin chased Gwen’s worries away for the day. They both left school together, heading for the bus stop. Across the street, Gwen caught James’ eye. He looked at her for a moment, before Felix nudged him, and off they went.

Gwen ignored them. A part of her felt awfully petty, but she pushed this thought away.

The afternoon with Aurelia was great fun, and Gwen went home with a smile. The next day, at school, she arrived early. Immediately, a hand caught her arm, pulling her towards a hidden spot in the shadow of a building.

-          Hi, James said, with a grin, before pressing his lips to hers.

Gwen kissed him back immediately, and she realized that most of her resentment from the last few days were mainly due to the fact that she missed him. They couldn’t see each other as much as they wanted, and that wasn’t easy at all. She smiled against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck.

-          I missed you, James breathed.

-          Me too.

-          It’s been almost four days since I did this, the boy added, kissing her again. Too long.

He pulled her closer, kissing her with fire, and Gwen giggled softly, pushing him away gently :

-          Easy, she said, amused. We’re at school.

-          I know, James pouted. Damn school.

He wrapped his arms around her waist.

-          I wanted to see you yesterday, he added, pouting again. But you were off with what’s her name…

-          Aurelia, Gwen corrected him, frowning. We went shopping.

-          But I wanted to see you.

-          I’m not at your beck and call, you know, Gwen chided him gently. Plus, I thought you were with Felix.

-          I was.

-          Speaking of which, Gwen said. Stay away from my aunt’s restaurant.

-          Your what ?

-          _The Bear and the Crown._ It’s my aunt’s restaurant. And you were bullying customers, with Felix, two days ago.

At the mention of it, James grinned, but his face fell when he saw his grin wasn’t mirrored on Gwen’s face.

-          We were just having fun.

-          Well, have fun somewhere else, Gwen said, unable to keep a bit of temper from her voice. It’s my aunt’s restaurant. It’s her business, and she’s worked very hard for it. So don’t scare off people or break windows…

-          Hey ! The window incident was ages ago. And it was an accident.

-          Still, Gwen insisted. It’s important. It’s her job.

-          You’re taking this way too seriously. Felix and I were just messing around.

-          I’m really not, Gwen retorted. You can whatever you want with _Felix_. But not where my aunt works, okay ?

James stared at her, a frown appearing on his face :

-          Why did you say it like that ? he asked.

-          What ?

-          His name. _Felix_. Like it’s poison.

The young woman opened her mouth to talk, but no sound came out.

-          You don’t like him, James stated.

-          I don’t _know_ him, Gwen corrected. And no. I don’t like him.

-          I do, James retorted. He’s fun, unlike most people in this dull town.

-          I… I’m just not sure about him, James, Gwen admitted, biting her lip. He seems… he seems like trouble.

-          Oh, no, James said, shuddering. I’m scared.

-          I’m serious.

-          You’re _too_ serious. So what if he’s trouble ? I’m trouble.

Gwen quieted down. He had a point.

-          Lighten up, birdie, James said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Have a bit of fun.  

-          Your definition of _fun_ scares me.

-          It shouldn’t. I’m a fun expert.

Gwen scoffed, and James put his hands on her waist, taking a step closer. Gwen looked up at him, giving him a look, and James grinned in a devilish way. This meant nothing good.

-          Don’t give me that look, he said. I can find a lot of fun things to do. Things you’d like, too.

Gwen was about to protest, rolling her eyes when James kissed her cheek, but she was silenced by his lips trailing down her jaw, pressing against her neck. She let out a small gasp, her body shivering with pleasure. She felt him grin against her skin as he kissed her neck, his arms wrapping around her waist.

-          Isn’t this fun ? he murmured. Mmm ?  

-          Mmmm, Gwen agreed, her hand tangling in James’ hair.

She felt him chuckle. The conversation felt far from over, but James was being very distracting. Bu they needed to break away, because people would start arriving at school soon…

-          Well, well. Isn’t it a bit early for this ?

Gwen froze, her heart skipping at a beat at the familiar voice she heard. James pulled away from her, a laugh escaping his lips. He wrapped an arm around Gwen’s shoulders, and grinned :

-          Felix. You’re an early bird.

-          Sometimes, Felix smoothly answered, his gaze going from James and Gwen. So _that’s_ your little secret.

-          Didn’t see it coming ? James said, tilting his head with a smirk.

Felix gave a small, discreet smile.

-          I had an inkling, he said simply.

He glanced at Gwen again, and the girl shifted a bit under his gaze. But she was more intrigued than uneasy – what was it about Felix ? Why did he always seem as though he knew so much more than everyone else ? Whatever it was, it was rendering her mute in his presence.

So, he hadn’t known about James and Gwen before. The question had been on the back of her mind, but James’ behavior was reassuring. He didn’t seem ashamed to be affectionate with her – on the contrary, he seemed quite pleased to show his affections in front of Felix. His arm on her shoulders was keeping her close to him, and he kissed her hair, while keeping his gaze on Felix.

-          It’s our little secret, he said. I can count on you, right ?

-          Of course, Felix said.

-          Good, James said, turning to face Gwen. Because I can’t have anything separating me from my birdie.

He took her face with both hands, and kissed her quickly. She gave an unsure smile. His words were sweet, but something about the situation, and Felix’s presence, was unsettling her.

-          _Birdie_ , Felix chuckled, drawing Gwen’s gaze back to him. Of course.

-          “Of course” ? Is it such an obvious nickname for me ?

Finally, Gwen had regained her voice, and her words made Felix look back at her. His gaze bore into hers for a moment, and he smirked :

-          More than you think, Gwen-bird.

-          Gwen-bird, James laughed. I like it. _Gwen-bird_.

-          Well, I don’t, Gwen said, frowning. It’s silly.

James laughed again, and Felix just smiled, unmoving, statuesque. Gwen pulled away from James, and cleared her throat.

-          I should go, she said. I have to stop by my locker. I’ll see you later.

James captured her mouth for another kiss, and she smiled, weak-kneed, before making her way towards the building’s entrance. But with every step she took, she had the distinct feeling that Felix was staring at her again, his eyes boring into her retreating back.

When she turned back to see, both boys were gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there accidental sexual tension between Felix and Wendy/Gwen ? Eh, perhaps. Don’t worry, though, this ain’t about to turn into a love triangle.


	11. Of games and heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen comes to several realizations about James.

While Gwen was hopeful about her relationship with James, she couldn’t bring herself to be fully optimistic, and she was right not to be. Things only went downhill from there.

While James remained as affectionate and committed to her as ever – his attachment to her was clear as day -, Gwen grew more and more worried, even if he gave her no reason to be. Until one particular day.

They were supposed to see each other during the evening, while Liza was at work, but he never showed. Gwen spent the evening worrying, looking at the window, looking out the door.

The next day, at school, she didn’t see him, but tried not to worry too much. After all, perhaps something had come up – and he often skipped school, anyway. But they were supposed to see each other after classes to walk home together. So, after the bell rang for the last time that afternoon, Gwen waited in the courtyard, behind the gymnasium, for James to arrive.

She waited.

She waited, the chill of the wind nowhere near as painful as the sinking feeling in her heart– either something had happened to him, or he had chosen not to come here. She didn’t know which option was the scariest.

-          Hey. Are you all right ?

Gwen turned her head – it was Sean Cheree. She forced a smile, while he adjusted his glasses.

-          Yes, she said. What are you still doing at school ?

-           I forgot a book, he said, showing her the chemistry book he held in his hand. What about you ?

-          I was…

She trailed off, looking for an excuse, biting her lip.

-          Are you waiting for Young ?

-          What ?

Gwen glanced at Sean, surprised. The boy sighed, and shrugged, putting his book inside his backpack :

-          I saw him earlier, he said. Right after class.

-          Did you ?

-          Yeah.

Gwen shifted uncomfortably on her feet, questions ready to burst from her lips, but she couldn’t ask without seeming too obvious.

-          What makes you think I’m waiting for him ? she asked.

-          An inkling, Sean said, shrugging. There’s a rumor going around.

-          A rumor ?

-          That you’re seeing each other. I don’t think many people hold truth to it.

-          But you do, Gwen remarked.

-          Yeah, well. I’m smart.

Gwen wanted to protest, to tell him he was wrong, but there was something oddly comforting about Sean’s calm, almost cool demeanor. She simply sighed heavily, looking down at her feet :

-          You say you saw him?

-          Yeah. I saw him in the parking lot, during lunch, with his friend. They were leaving. They seemed like they were up to something.

-          Of course they were, Gwen said bitterly.

-          So it’s true then ? You’re dating that guy ?

The teenage girl couldn’t help but feel a little wounded at the obvious distaste in Sean’s voice. At the look on her face, he seemed to soften slightly, and added :

-          I won’t tell, you know. I’m not the gossip type.

-          It’s complicated, Gwen admitted. I think.

-          I’m not surprised.

-          What – what do you mean ?

-          That it’s complicated. It seems like it would have to be, with him.

Gwen closed her eyes, sighing, rubbing her face with her hands. She felt very tired all of a sudden.

-          Yeah, she breathed after a moment. I’m going home. It’s late enough.

-          Do you want me to walk you ?

This made Gwen smile. They had never liked each other much, but he seemed truly concerned.

-          I’ll be fine.

-          It’s okay, he said. I don’t live that far away from you.

-          Really ? Gwen said.

-          Yeah. You know, the house with a blue door ?

-          That’s you ? Gwen exclaimed. I had no idea. How odd is that !

-          Yeah. I saw you go in your house the other day. That’s how I knew.

-          Well, since we’re going the same way, Gwen said with a smile, we might as well walk together.

While the idea that James was with Felix instead of with her, like he had told her he would be, was weighing on Gwen, Sean’s presence was very comforting. They didn’t talk much, but it was a comfortable silence. He stopped a few houses before her, smiled at her and went back to his house. Gwen, smiling, made her way to her house just as rain started falling down, but froze when she reached the fence.

James was there, leaning against it, his arms crossed, with a smirk on his face and his hood pulled over his head to shield himself from the rain. Gwen’s eyes widened, and she ran towards him, grabbing him to lead him further down the street.

-          Are you crazy ? Liza could see you, she whispered.

-          Let her see, then, James said, trying to steal a kiss, but Gwen didn’t let him.

-          Where have you been ? she hissed. I was worried !

-          I got busy, he said evasively. I wanted to see you after school – but I got late. Sorry.

-          Sorry, Gwen repeated. I waited for you.

-          I said I was sorry.

-          I heard.

James stared at her, a twinge of irritation obvious on his face, but Gwen glared at him, not budging. He took a step closer to her, pulling her closer to him as if to shield her from the rain.

-          When I got there, I saw you, he whispered. Walking home with Cheree. So I crossed the park and waited for you here instead.

-          Sean offered to walk home with me, Gwen said. He didn’t want to leave me alone.

-          I don’t like him.

-          Well, I do, Gwen retorted. He’s a nice boy.

-          And I’m not ?

-          No, Gwen answered, frowning. You’re not _nice_.

James grinned.

-          Good, he said. Nice is boring.

Gwen gritted her teeth and pulled away from him.

-          Stop it, she said. I’m not in the mood.

When she looked up at James again, he was frowning, his jaw clenched and a dark look in his eyes.

-          What does that mean ?

-          It means I was worried about you all night, and all day, Gwen snapped. And now, you show up like it’s nothing, and acting all … jealous over nothing.

-          I don’t like it when others take you from me.

-          I’m not your property.

-          … But you’re mine.

-          No. No, I’m _not_ , Gwen said forcefully.

James stared at her for a few seconds. Gwen couldn’t tell if he was getting angry or not, but she didn’t have time to ask. He suddenly bent down and pressed his lips to hers, as if to make a point. His lips were intoxicating, but Gwen was determined not to cave. She was angry at him. She pulled away from him as he held on to her waist, breathless, trying to capture her lips again. In the process, the hood fell from his head, and Gwen gasped.

-          James, she said. What happened ?

The boy ran a hand through his hair, pulling back some of it on his forehead to hide a bruise. Gwen, concerned, forgot all about their fight.

-          It was game’s night, James said. Last night.

-          Oh my gosh, Gwen whispered. Is that why you didn’t come to see me ? James…

-          Look, I wasn’t alone. Felix was with me. We handled it.

Gwen suddenly felt her worry grow.

-          Handled it ? she repeated.

-          Yeah, James said with a smirk. We fought back.

-          Fought back how ?

James just shrugged, and smirked again, pressing his forehead to Gwen’s.

-          We just did. I think the guy got a little scared, he said, laughing. And we’re not done. The game is just beginning.

-          Game ? Gwen said. What do you mean ?

-          We’re going a play a little game, with this guy, James grinned. He won’t want to bother me anymore. Ever again.

-          What are you going to do ?

James shrugged once again, and Gwen, forgetting about the rain that was starting to pout, about the anger she had towards James, shook her head, concerned, seizing her boyfriend by the collar of his coat.

-          James, don’t, she said. If he’s hurting you, you need to go to the sheriff. Don’t do justice yourself. You could get into trouble.

-          I eat trouble for breakfast, birdie.

-          It’s not the same, Gwen insisted. You could get really hurt. You could get arrested…is this Felix’s idea ?

-          Felix is helping me. I trust him. Do you want me to keep getting hurt by a drunkard, Gwen-bird ? Am I supposed to passively get beaten up ? I should have fought back long ago.

-          I don’t want you to get hurt, Gwen said. Of course I don’t. But I have a bad feeling about this.

-          You worry too much.

-          And you don’t worry enough ! Gwen exclaimed.

A flash of anger appeared on James’ face.

-          This is who I am, birdie, he said firmly. I’m not changing. Not for _anybody_.

-          I’m not telling you to change ! I just want you to be careful, please ! Don’t do anything rash. I don’t want anything to happen to you, please, James. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.

Gwen’s desperation, the intense look in her eyes seemed to soften James’ stance a little, and he stared at her for a few moments, as though he was trying to solve a mystery in her eyes. He pressed his lips to her forehead, running a hand through her wet hair.

-          You care about me, he stated quietly.

The teenage girl let out a little, breathless laugh :

-          You’re only realizing this now, silly ? she said, shaking her head.

-          Sometimes, I forget. I hate forgetting.

-          Well, don’t forget it again, Gwen said softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

James fell silent for a few seconds, that way he did sometimes – pensive, subdued, oddly different from his usual attitude. He met her eyes, and caressed her arms before settling his hands on her waist.

-          I don’t want you to be sad because of me, he said. But I don’t want to do _nothing_.

-          We’ll find another way, Gwen said. I promise. But please, don’t do anything rash, okay ?

-          Fine.

-          James, Gwen insisted. Promise me. Promise me you’ll stay away, all right ? Please.

-          Fine.

Unsatisfied, but unable to get more from it, Gwen put a hand on his cheek to draw his face to hers. She kissed him, and she felt him relax beneath her touch. He pulled her closer to him, kissing her fervently, as though he was trying to drink her up. His passion scared her, sometimes, but she got a thrill from it.

-          Get inside, he murmured. You’ll catch a cold.

-          I don’t want to leave you out in the rain.

-          I’ll be fine.

-          Are you sure ?

-          Yeah. Now go. I’ll see you tomorrow. After school.

-          Promise ?

-          Promise.

Gwen couldn’t say her conversation with James had reassured her, but her anger at him had disappeared to make way for her concern. A bad feeling remained in the back of her mind, and she couldn’t stop the creeping little thoughts that told her he was untrustworthy. It was though a part of her could never trust James fully, even though her heart beat painfully for him. A little voice in her head whispered warning, but she didn’t listen. She was a young girl in love.

The next day, she waited for James again. But he didn’t show.

She almost felt sick, worried, betrayed, angry, sad at the same time, but she had no time to reflect on the situation, because someone else came in his place.

It was Felix.

Immediately, Gwen straightened her back, wiped her teary eyes, and stared at the young man.

-          Hey, little bird, Felix said simply.

-          Where is James ? Gwen asked warily, crossing her arms.

-          Safe.

-          Where is he ? What’s going on ?

-          He’s laying low.  

-          Why ? Gwen asked angrily. Why is he laying low ? What did you do ?

Felix just looked at her, as though she was an odd little creature worthy of observing. It unnerved her.

-          What happened ? Gwen asked again, her anger only growing. Did you – did something happen ? With that man that hurt James ?

-          He told you about that ?

-          Yes. Why wouldn’t he ?

-          He didn’t seem like he was going to.

-          Well, he did, Gwen retorted. Now tell me what happened.

Was it her, or was there a hint of a smile on Felix’ mysterious face ? Gwen shuddered under the wind, studying the boy’s face.

-          We went to his place, this morning, Felix said. We wanted to trash the place.

-          Did you ?

-          Yeah. Except the guy showed up at the end. We had to rough him up a bit.

-          Rough him up ? Gwen repeated, her voice trembling.

-          Ease up. He’ll be fine. But he had to lay low for a bit.

-          Is he in trouble ? With the police ?

Felix said nothing, but his eyes said enough. Gwen felt worry gnaw at her stomach and huffed angrily, staring daggers at Felix :

-          _You_ , Gwen said in an accusatory tone. You – you roped him into this, didn’t you ?

-          Don’t you wish that were true ? But I didn’t. It was his idea. .

-          No, she retorted forcefully. It wasn’t.

-          It was. He came up with it. How would I even know where the man lives, huh ?

Gwen glared at Felix, but said nothing, temporarily rendered speechless.

-          That proves nothing, she hissed. You could have found out some other way…

-          It only proves that you’d get angry at me, instead of facing the obvious.

-          Which is ?

-          That your little romance with him is a disaster waiting to happen.

Gwen didn’t think she had ever hated anyone as much as she hated Felix in that moment. He was giving voice to what she had been dreading, what she had been pushing to the back of her mind for days – but she would rather die than admit it to him.

-          It’s not, she retorted angrily. You don’t know anything about it.

-          I know him. What angers you, what hurts you, are things he will never give up about himself. Trust me.

-          No. I don’t trust you, Gwen said, crossing her arms protectively over her chest. I never have.

-          Wrong.

-          Not wrong ! I never trusted you. From the beginning, I knew – what do you want with James, anyway ? Are you really his friend ?

-          I _am_.

-          Then why are you telling me all this ? Are you trying to break us up ? How is that the action of a _friend_ ?

-          This is who he is, Felix said, without answering her questions. You know it. He’s not going to change for you. He’s not going to change for anyone. _Never_.

James’ own words echoed in Gwen’s mind. _This is who I am. I’m not changing. Not for anybody._ Gwen swallowed, trying to ignore the part of her that told her Felix was right. Instead, she twisted her pain into anger :

-          What do you know ? she retorted. You barely know him. I’ve known him longer than you have.

-          I know him much better than you think.

-          No, you don’t. Because the James I know isn’t… he cares about me. I know he cares about me.

Of that, Gwen had absolutely no doubt.

-          I know he does, Felix replied. Trust me. I’m aware.

-          Then it’s enough, Gwen stated, crossing her arms. It’s enough.

Felix let out a small laugh, shaking his head. He sounded both amused and bitter.

-          You think caring about him is enough, he said. And maybe it is, for now. But you’ll see. You’ll change your mind.

-          I won’t.

-          Oh, I _know_ you will. I’ve heard it all before, Wendy-bird.

-          What did you call me ? Gwen asked, momentarily stunned.

-          If your caring is so powerful, Felix said, ignoring her, then why did he ask me to come find you and lie ?

-          What ?

-          He told me to tell you he’d gotten caught up at home, Felix said. He’s not above lying to get what he wants.

Gwen took the blow quietly, tears forming in her eyes. She fought them with every fiber of her being, refusing to cry in front of Felix, of all people.

-          Then why are you telling me the truth ? she asked.

-          I’m telling you this for your own good. There’s no version of this story that ends well for you.

The young girl stared, frozen on the spot, unable to explain why those words were having such an effect on her. Every word that Felix had said wounded her like a dagger in the heart, and her denial wasn’t strong enough to keep up the wall she had built against doubt. She cared for James, she truly did, but from the start, there had been a crack in their foundation, and she feared that all the caring in the world wouldn’t be able to mend it.

-          I’m sorry, Felix said. I really am. I always had a soft spot for you, you know.

Gwen didn’t even stop to ponder what that meant as he walked away. She stared blankly ahead, trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened. A cold, unforgiving truth was dawning upon her, hitting her hard.

Happiness with James had been a fleeting fantasy, a dream, nothing more. And now, it was time for her to wake up. 


	12. Of reunions and betrayals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and James have a confrontation. Meanwhile, Felix seeks out someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmm. I have no idea what to rate this as ? Let’s say NC-17, even if it’s not very graphic. I think.

On the way home, Gwen felt a surge of rebellion against her own realizations. After all, how could she trust Felix over James ? Perhaps Felix was just playing with her, messing with her mind. She wouldn’t put it above the mysterious boy. So, instead of going home, she turned heels, and made her way to the woods.  
After all, if Felix was telling the truth, James would be in the cabin, laying low. If he wasn’t there, it meant Felix had been lying. That was what Gwen told herself as she made her way through the forest, ignoring the rain that was starting to fall.

She arrived at the cabin, her clothes damp and her hair barely covered by her hat. She saw light through the cabin’s window, and her heart sank. Still, refusing to back away now, she approached the little wooden house, barely daring to look through the window.

She recognized the silhouette on the couch immediately. He had lit a fire, and he had taken off his coat – it hung by the door. Next to it, was one of his shirts. It was torn, probably from the fight.

Gwen closed her eyes for a moment, and turned away, unable to stare at his silhouette inside. A part of her wanted to go inside and confront him, but she didn’t even know what she would say. Did she want to break up with him ? She wasn’t even sure of what was going on anymore. Was she making a big deal out of nothing ? He always made it sound that way and yet, her feelings of discomfort refused to go away, and she could no longer ignore them.

If he was never going to change, could she accept him the way it was ? She thought she could, but she didn’t know anymore.

She turned her heels and started to walk away. She needed to clear her head. She needed to think. She needed some time away from him.

Of course, it seemed as though fates were against hers, because as soon as she had reached the trees, she heard the cabin’s door slam open.

-          Gwen ! James’ voice rung out. Gwen, wait !

Gwen turned to face him : he was running out towards her, throwing his coat over his t-shirt messily.

-          What are you doing here ? he asked.

-          What did you do ? she said immediately. Don’t lie to me. I want to know. Did you – did you go to that man’s house ? Did you hurt him ?

-          How did you know I was here ?

-          I took a guess, Gwen snapped, refusing to sell out Felix now that it seemed more and more likely that he had told her the truth. What happened, James ?

James ran a hand through his already damp hair, and Gwen noticed his bruised knuckles with a wince. She almost asked him if he was all right, but her anger trumped her concern.

-          We went to mess up his place, James said. He came home. I hit him. Over and over again. And I don’t regret _one second of it._

-          James, he could have you _arrested_ for this.

-          He won’t. He won’t say a word. He’s too much of a coward.

-          So you’re just taking that guess ?

-          Life’s nothing without risk.

Gwen let out a humorless, hysterical laugh, shaking her head. Was this all they would ever do – fight about his reckless views of life and her tendency to worry ? She was getting tired of it. She threw her hands up in the air, ready to walk away, but he ran to grab her arm.

-          Where are you going ? 

-          You lied to me, James ! the girl yelled, snatching her arm away from his grip. You lied to my face. You told me you wouldn’t do anything …

-          I changed my mind.

-          That’s my point ! You just do whatever _you_ want, and you don’t care what I think, or how I feel about it.

-          So I should stop doing what I want ? James retorted angrily. For you ?

-          Yes ! she exclaimed desperately. Yes ! You’re supposed to care what I think ! You’re supposed to care how I feel ! But you don’t ! All you care about is what you want to do !

-          Yeah, so ? What does that mean ? What are you going to do about it ?

-          I don’t know ! Gwen answered, her voice rising, close to breaking. I don’t _know_ , James.

He stared at her for a moment, open-mouthed, wide-eyed. In a few seconds, his expression went from anger and irritation to sudden fear, shock :

-          What – what do you mean ? he stammered.

-          I don’t know, Gwen repeated, wiping her eyes quickly. I’m not sure this is working out. It’s like all we do is fight.

-          That’s not true. It’s not that much.

-          Well, it’s too much for me, Gwen said. I keep worrying about you – I feel like I’m just working so hard at … at trying to… I don’t know. But it’s so exhausting. I never know where to stand with you.

-          Does it matter that much ? Knowing ?

-          Yes, it does ! Of course it does – how can you be so _cavalier_ about it ? How am I supposed to take this ? You’re draining me – you’re driving me mad, James !

Her words, spoken loud and harsh, had gone beyond what she had meant to say, but he kept trying to brush aside her concerns, and she wouldn’t have it. She stared at him, weary, while he stared back, his confusion growing into understanding, and a bitterness so deep she almost had to look away.

-          I knew it, he said dejectedly. I knew it. You lied – you said you wouldn’t hate me.

-          I don’t hate you…

-          You said we wouldn’t lose each other. _You_ lied to _me_.

-          I didn’t lie, Gwen murmured weakly. I thought I was telling the truth.

She shivered from the cold – it was still raining, and rather windy. She didn’t know what else to say – she felt tired and small, all of a sudden. She avoided James’ gaze – he was staring at her with an intensity she couldn’t take.

-          I’m going home, she said quietly.

He said nothing. She glanced at him : his expression was unreadable, and she had no energy to decipher right now.

-          I’ll see you at school, she murmured, before turning away.

-          No ! Wait. Don’t go. Don’t go, please.

She turned : there it was again, that desperate tone of voice, almost reluctantly needy and open. He was looking at her and she swallowed hard, her heart aching in her chest :

-          Why should I ? Gwen asked, hugging herself, shivering under the wind.

-          Because, he said. Because I don’t want you to go.

-          It’s not about what you want, all the time, you know, Gwen snapped, half angry, half wounded.

-          That’s not what I meant ! he exclaimed in frustration. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to leave. Please, please, _please_ , just stay with me. Please.

He was begging : he looked young, he looked small, he looked lost, and Gwen winced, looking away for a second, unable to stand seeing him like this.

-          James, she breathed, shaking her head.

-          You don’t understand, he whispered, his eyes searching hers. You don’t understand.

-          What ? What don’t I understand ?

-          Me.

Gwen looked up to the sky bitterly, choking back tears. Now, he was accusing her of not understanding him ? Well, perhaps he had a point.  

-          You’re right, she said angrily. I _don’t_ understand you at all. 

-          No ! he protested vehemently, taking a step forward, putting his hands on her arms. You don’t understand how it used to be. I just want to have fun. I always did.

-          I know that ! Gwen retorted, not understanding what he was getting at.

-          But I couldn’t, he continued. I tried, and I kept trying, but it never worked. I faked it so it would be true. I thought if I believed it, it would be true. But it wasn’t. It never was. It’s like I was empty. 

This gave her pause : she furrowed her brow, her gaze searching his, and she stopped to listen to him. He gestured to his heart, his own hand clutching at his shirt.

-          I was empty. I felt nothing. It was all pretend. I was playing – but the game wasn’t fun. But you – you changed it. I don’t know what you did, but you changed it.

-          James…

-          If you go, I don’t know what I’ll do, he said, shaking his head vehemently. I might as well be dead. That’s how it will feel like, to me.

Gwen was without words. His words were punching her heart, stunning her into frozen silence.

-          Please, he repeated. Don’t go.

-          I don’t want to, she said tearfully. But James, I – I feel like you’re… like you’re manipulating me. Like you’re saying anything to keep me here.

-          That doesn’t mean I don’t mean it, he answered.

-          I know you do.

-          Then what’s the problem ? he asked, his voice breaking, as though he truly didn’t understand. Why are we fighting ?  We should be having fun, we should be happy. Remember how you said love makes you happy ?

This got Gwen’s attention. She stared at him for a second, frozen.

-          Love ? she said after a moment. You – you love me ?

He blinked, and stared at her as though it was obvious :

-          Of course I do, he said simply. Don’t you love me ?

The answer came quickly, without thought :

-          Yes, she said. I do – of course I do. But I didn’t – I didn’t think you did.

At this, he laughed, but his laugh was humorless, dark, almost desperate.

-          You didn’t _think_ _I did_? he repeated. What do I have to do, Gwen? _Just tell me_ ! What else can I do ? I don’t understand what you _want_ ! I come to see you when I can. I think about you. I think about you all the time. I hold your hand. I kiss you. I dream about you. I tell you things I wouldn’t tell anybody else, _ever_ ! I didn’t _want_ love, I didn’t want _any of it_ , but now, _I love you_ and I don’t even care that I didn’t want to. I don’t know what more you want me to _do_. 

 Gwen stared at him for a long moment as he looked at her, breathing heavily, as though the words that had just come out of his mouth had left him completely silent, drained. She felt overwhelmed, unable to speak as the meaning of his words sink in.

 She had known he cared, but that he cared that much was a surprise. And she loved him – she knew she did, and had known for some time. The intensity of his feelings was there for her to see – etched on his face, shining in his pained eyes, and obvious in every tremble of his voice.

-          Are you still leaving ? he asked roughly, swallowing deeply as he waited for her answer.

-          No, she said immediately. No. I’m not leaving.

 Relief washed over James’ features, and he breathed out slowly.

-          You should get inside, he said. You’ll get cold.

He extended his hand to her. She took it.

The fire was warm inside, and Gwen realized how cold she was only when she arrived in the warm cabin. James closed the door behind her and took off his coat. He took Gwen’s, who shivered. James rushed towards her with a towel, and she dried her hair silently. He watched her fervently, and backed away to sit on the couch.

 -          Will you sit with me ? he asked slowly.

 Gwen nodded, and went to sit next to him, laying the towel on the arm of the sofa. James smiled softly, and gently brushed her hair from her face as she stared at the fire, stunned, thoughtful, out of words.

-          You’re so beautiful, he whispered.

 She closed her eyes, swallowing. His tenderness wasn’t new, but it had never felt so intimate, so open. She let him caress her hair, facing away from him, trying to wrap her mind around his confession and the events of the day.

 -          Please, forgive me, he murmured. I’ll do anything you want me to. Anything.

-          Don’t lie, she answered softly.

-          I’m not lying, he answered. I’d do anything for you, birdie. Anything. I’d give you a whole world if I could.

-          I don’t want a world. I want…

-          What ?

-          I want you to love me.

-          I do. I do. So much, you don’t even know. I love you so much.

 The effect his words were having on her was earth-shattering. Between his loving words and the gentle touch of his fingertips, Gwen could feel herself unraveling.

-          I love you too, she whispered.

This time, she turned to look at him : his face lit up so suddenly it almost hurt. He looked like he was ready to kiss her, but was holding back.

-          Don’t lie to me again, she said.

-          I won’t. Ever.

-          Did you get hurt, today ? she asked.

-          No, he said, shaking his head. He didn’t have time.

-          Are you sure ?

-          I’m sure.

She smiled a little, and brought her hand up to his face. He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes, and covered her hand with his.

-          I’m glad you’re not hurt, she whispered.

-          I’m glad you stayed.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

-          I love you, he whispered again.

She smiled, almost tearfully, and he took her smile as permission. Gently, he put his hands on each side of her face, and kissed her. She melted into it completely, her eyes falling shut as he fell on top of her, careful not to crush under his weight. Soon, the gentle kisses turned fiery, but he remained tender. Gwen, if she was colder and distant at first, soon felt her body respond to his touch, and let herself get lost into him. His breathing became ragged and rough as he ran his hands over her stomach, under her cardigan, his lips on her neck.

-          Your skin is so soft, he murmured. It drives me insane.

-          Does it now ? Gwen breathed, closing her eyes.

-          Yes.

-          That’s too bad for you.

James pulled back to stare at her, and she grinned.

-          Are you being a tease ? he asked her, cocking his head to the side.

-          Maybe, she answered innocently.

James laughed and kissed her again, his lips descending to her collarbone. Gwen wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He pulled away for a second and looked at her, his fingertips moving to caress the side of her face.

In that moment, she knew things were different. There was a mix of tenderness and fire in his eyes she didn’t recall seeing before : he was looking at her with lust, with need. She looked back at him quietly, a hint of a smile on her face.

-          What are you smiling at, birdie ? he asked softly.

-          You.

-          Say you love me.

-          I love you.

-          Do you want me ?

Her breath hitched in her throat as he pressed a kiss to her jaw.

-          Yes, she whispered. Do you ?

His face buried in her neck, he chuckled quietly and murmured :

-          Yes. It’s like fire.

How could he act so young and playful one instant, and talk like that the next ? Gwen didn’t reflect on it much longer : she pulled his face to hers and kissed him deeply, the kiss opening the door to more touch, more sensations, more feelings.

As the afternoon died in the sky and the fire kept crackling in the fireplace, they saw many sides of each other. Him, constantly hovering between confidence, passion and raw vulnerability to the point of her nervousness. Her, sometimes dainty and skittish like a timid dove, then wild, bold and curious like a lark. There was no sound in the cabin but their breathless moans and soft murmurs of love, mixed with the music of the rain tapping in the window. He said he loved her about a hundred times. She didn’t speak as much, too busy thinking, feeling, discovering.

Sometimes, the roughness of his heart came to the surface and he held her too close, kissed her too hard. But he was always tender, loving. Neither of them had the upper hand : everything was new, exciting, terrifying.  

In the end, he collapsed on top of her, breathless, elated. He looked at her with awe, as though she was a treasure. He felt that it had been better for him than for her, and, still in a daze, he crashed his mouth against hers breathlessly. He moved away from her, and touched her until she cried out underneath him, her eyes closing for a moment, before her gaze bore into his again.

-          I love you.

Ever since he had said it once, he hadn’t stopped saying it, as though the feeling was something he was willing to cling to. Gwen said nothing, still in a daze herself, stars in her eyes. But she smiled, and kissed his jaw. Finally, he pulled a blanket over them, and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his shoulder while the rain kept falling outside and she closed her eyes, listening to its music, her heart dancing to it. 

She didn't want this moment to ever end. 

 

*****************

It wasn’t that Felix had anything against the girl. He had been sincere in that fact. But Peter was the one that mattered, here, and every day that he saw them together, he worried that this romance their cursed counterparts had engaged in would have consequences. He knew all too well how much Wendy Darling could ruin Pan. After all, hadn’t she already ?

He did what he had to do. But he couldn’t be too careful.

He followed the girl to her house, but she took a detour through the forest. Felix gritted his teeth – he had to make absolutely sure that her relationship with Peter was over. For her own good. For the good of Peter.  
For the good of Neverland.

He knocked on the door of her house : a red-headed woman opened the door, looking slightly confused : Felix looked her over, silently observing her.

-          May I help you ? she asked.

-          Mrs Berry, I presume ?

-          Miss, the woman corrected him.

-          Hi, Felix said with a pleasant smile. I’m a friend of Gwen’s.

-          She’s not home right now.

-          Oh, I know she’s not, Felix said, still smiling. Do you have a minute ? I think there are some things you should know.

\-          About what, exactly ?

Felix smirked :

\-          About Gwen... and her boyfriend. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Yeah. As you can imagine, this particular incident will have consequences on Peter when he becomes himself again.  
> The story is nearing its end. I still have about two chapters left. I will write a sequel, but not right away. I want this story to be finished before Christmas, but the sequel will come next year.  
> I also like to think that after I write the sequel, you will re-read this and see some connections you can’t see yet. Because I know exactly where I’m going. I’m a monster.  
> I guess I should warn you right now that the end of this story might leave you screaming.


	13. Of far-off places and love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen gets some news from Aunt Liza.

Gwen could have stayed in James’ embrace all night – but her aunt thought she was with Aurelia, and she could hardly stay out late. Underneath a blanket, James had his arms wrapped around her shoulders from behind, and he was kissing her hair tenderly.

-          I should get back home, she said with a loud sigh, glancing at the evening sky through the window.

-          Stay. I don’t want you to go.

-          I can’t. You know I can’t – Liza is probably worried already.

-          She’d be even more worried if she knew where you were, James whispered in her ear, smirking mischievously.

-          That, she would, Gwen said with a giggle.

James slid his hand underneath her chin to turn her head towards him – he captured her lips in a deep kiss before pulling away, smiling.

-          You’re not leaving, he murmured. I want to keep you here.

-          Is that so ? Gwen said, amused. And how are you going to manage that ? Are you going to lock me up ?

-          Precisely.

-          You can’t. I’m smart, you know. I’ll get away.

-          Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, birdie. Because I’ll make you so happy that you won’t ever want to escape.  

Gwen smiled and brought one of his hands to her lips.

-          I love you, she said softly.

-          What’s not to love ? he said with a grin.

-          Well, your smugness, for once.

-          You know you like it. And I love you too.

Gwen kissed him again, smiling, and sat up, despite the fact that his arms slid around her waist to keep her against him.

-          I really have to go, she said.

-          No, you don’t !

-          I do. Get dressed and walk home with me.

She snagged from the blanket and wrapped it around herself, looking on the floor for her clothes. James pouted, letting go of her.

-          Fine, he said. But we are definitely doing _this_ again.

Gwen giggled as she pulled her clothes back on. James stood up and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck from behind. She wiggled away from him so she could finish getting dressed. He put on his clothes too, and slipped on his coat, waiting for her by the door. She glanced in the mirror, fixing her messy hair, and turned towards him, smiling when she saw the smirk on his face. She walked towards him, and he grabbed her hand, leading her outside the door.

The rain had stopped falling, and Gwen sighed as the fresh smell of the forest hit her. They walked together in the woods, stopping a little before reaching Gwen’s house. Before letting go, James pulled Gwen in for a kiss, his hands tangling in her hair. Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck, biting his lower lip playfully. He smirked against her lips.

-          Wild little bird, he murmured.

Gwen giggled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

-          I’ll see you at school, she whispered. I love you.

-          I love you.

Gwen grinned and kissed his cheek, before running back towards her home. She looked back to see James smirk at her, before turning his heels and walking away. Gwen brought a hand to her lip, stifling a happy giggle : despite the earlier confusion and pain, she now felt giddy, happy. She had just shared a wonderful experience with James, and she was never going to forget it.

He loved her. She loved him. Nothing could go wrong, when two people loved each other truly. Wasn’t this what fairy tales, what books had been teaching her ? She smiled to herself, then tried to put on a neutral face, taking a deep breath before entering her house.

-          I’m home ! she said in a cheerful voice, closing the door behind her. Sorry I’m late, but...

She kicked off her shoes, making her way towards the living room, but she froze when she saw her aunt sitting at the table, her arms crossed. She had a very severe look on her face, and Gwen immediately felt the tension coming from her. She finished taking off her coat, holding it in her hands.

-          Is everything all right ? she asked carefully.

Liza’s face was a warning, but Gwen could hardly walk away, too intrigued, nervous.

-          Sit down, Gwen.

The young girl put her coat on the back of a chair, her heart pounding in her chest as she sat down opposite her aunt, folding her hands in her lap nervously.

-          What’s wrong ?

-          Don’t play innocent, Gwen, Liza said sternly. You’ve been lying to me – for weeks, maybe even more. You’ve been seeing that boy.

-          What makes you think …

-          Don’t lie.

Gwen closed her mouth, swallowing deeply. She knew that her face probably gave her away – she could be a good liar when she wanted to, but she cared about Aunt Liza too much to dare lie now. Her guilt had been thinned by her happiness with James, but now that she was facing her aunt, it was washing over her powerfully. She looked down at her lap, and looked back up at Liza.

-          You’ve been seeing that boy again, Liza said with a tremble in her voice. Gwen, did you know he almost sent a man to the hospital ?

-          How do you…

-          Does it matter ? Gwen, you know what kind of person he is. I thought we made that clear. And now, I learn you’ve been dating him ? Seeing him in secret, keeping this from me ?

-          I’m sorry, Gwen said quickly, begging with her eyes. I’m sorry I lied – but I knew you wouldn’t understand…

-          Of course I don’t ! Liza said, her voice rising. Gwen, this isn’t you.

-          It is me ! You just don’t know that side of me, but it is. Aunt Liza, I’m sorry I lied, but this isn’t just a silly fling. He really cares about me.

-          Really, Liza said. Let me guess. He told you he loved you ?

Liza’s harsh gaze and voice made Gwen tremble, but she lifted her chin :

-          Yes. And I love him.

-          Gwen, Liza said, sighing. You’re not the first teenage girl to go through this kind of thing…

-          It’s not a phase ! Gwen protested loudly. I love him – and he loves me. This is a real thing !

-          You’re not seeing him anymore, Liza said sternly. You’re not seeing him anymore, and that’s final.

-          No ! Gwen said, standing up, the chair creaking as she pushed it away. No. You can’t control what I do. I love James. He needs me.

-          It’s not your duty to take care of him !

-          It is ! That’s what you do when you love someone !

-          And I love you. Believe it or not, I’m doing this for your own good. He is bad news !

-          I don’t care, Gwen said, shaking her head. I don’t care – I’m staying with him.

Liza stared at Gwen, her arms crossed, anger and concern shining in her eyes.

-          I had a feeling you might say that, she said with a heavy sigh. You’re a stubborn girl.

-          I am, Gwen declared, nodding.

-          Then, I have no choice.

Liza stood up, and Gwen felt her heart sink, her stomach churning with worry.

-          What do you mean ? she asked, a tremble in her voice.

The older woman sighed heavily, rubbing her forehead, before meeting Gwen’s eyes :

-          You won’t see that boy again, she said. You’re leaving town.

Gwen stared blankly for a few seconds, not sure she had understood.

-          What ? she said, her voice shaking.

-          You’ll finish your year in another school. There’s a very good boarding school in Portland – Christie was telling me about it the other day. It will get you into any college you want.

-          Boarding school ? Gwen repeated, wide-eyed. No- no ! I don’t want to go to boarding school ! I want to stay here !

-          So you can hang around this James boy ? My decision is final, Gwen.

Gwen shook her head quickly, starting to feel sick, her hands trembling as her whole being fought against the idea of leaving :

-          You can’t do this ! she exclaimed. You can’t – I won’t go !

-          You’re a minor. I make decisions for you. And I say, you’re going.

-          No ! Please ! You can’t make me go. You’re not my mother !

Liza’s eye twitched, but Gwen was too angry, too outraged to regret her words.

-          You’re going, Gwen. As soon as I can get you into that school, you’re getting out of Storybrooke.

Gwen, angry tears in her eyes, protested, screamed, sobbed, but Liza wasn’t budging, and the teenage girl ended up retreating to her bedroom. She spent the whole evening on the phone with Aurelia, confessing everything to her, crying and worrying.

-          Maybe she’s right, Aurelia said tentatively. You know, he’s not… he’s not exactly the kind of person I pictured you with.

-          He’s not who you think he is, Gwen said, wiping her eyes. He’s… he’s sweet. He’s caring. And he loves me.

-          Do you love him too ?

-          Yes, Gwen breathed out into the phone. I do.

She heard Aurelia wince in sympathy.

-          I’m sorry. I wish I could do something.

-          I need to explain it to him, Gwen said. But she won’t – she won’t let me talk to him.

-          I will, if you need me too, Aurelia assured softly. If you can’t get to him, I’ll help you.

-          Thank you.

Liza banged on the door, and Gwen had to hang up the phone. She tried to steel herself, to tell her she would find a way to stay, to explain it to Liza – that she was strong enough to handle this. The next day, she looked for James, but he was nowhere to be seen. During lunch, she heard that he had gotten expelled from school because someone had filed a complaint against him. Apparently, he hadn’t gotten in trouble with the authorities, but his recent actions had been the last straw that had pushed him out of school.

She didn’t see Felix either, and for that she was glad. She had no idea how to feel about the boy, anyway, or how to act around him. Whether he was her friend or not remained completely hazy to her.

Liza was picking her up after school. Gwen was nervous – she didn’t know how to get to James, she had no idea when her aunt would make her leave – and more, she missed him. Their last encounter had left in her an ache to kiss him, to hold him – it was as though his absence left her cold and small.

As she was stepping outside the school building, she froze when she noticed a familiar face on the opposite sidewalk. He was there, his green coat on his back, his hair even messier than usual. When he saw Gwen, his face seemed to light up, but he didn’t move – he simply grinned, seemingly waiting for her.

At first, Gwen wanted to smile back, the simple sight of him making her heart beat faster – but her aunt’s car was pulling up. She felt her heart clench in her chest, and threw James a desperate look. She saw his grin fade, and his eyes went from her to the car.

Gwen stood frozen on the spot, unable to just leave him there, and yet unable to go to him. She felt someone nudge her slightly and she turned to see Aurelia next to her.

-          Go. I’ll go talk to him.

Gwen shot her friend a grateful look and hugged her, before sending James another look. He stared at her, looking confused, pained, almost angry. Gwen got in the car, swallowing deeply. She faced away from her aunt, who sighed and started driving away as Gwen wiped her teary eyes.

The evening was long and difficult for Gwen. Liza wouldn’t let her call Aurelia, suspecting some form of communication through her, so Gwen had to wait until the next day.  Aurelia told her what James had said, a concerned look on her face.

-          He said he’d find a way. He looked super angry – but he said he’d find, and I quote, “a way back to his birdie”. Who talks like this ? He looked really… intense, Aurelia said, biting her lip. It was freaky.

-          Thank you, Aurelia, Gwen said with gratitude.

-          As your best friend, I feel like it’s my duty to tell you that I still don’t like him. He’s… he’s got this look in his eye. And what’s he gonna do now that he’s expelled ? Drive an ice cream truck ?

-          Look… what look ?

-          Like he’d make a necklace out of your teeth.

-          Aurelia ! Gwen exclaimed, a twinge of amusement in her eyes.

-          What ? Okay, maybe not. But still. Be careful.

-          I am. When you get to know him, it will be different. You’ll see.

-          Yeah, Aurelia said. Maybe when Liza sends you off, he and I will get together and look at pictures of you and cry. Hey, maybe he’ll buy me ice cream.

Gwen let out a soft giggle, but the idea of leaving was still a raw wound in her heart. Liza hadn’t said another word about it since. Gwen would miss James, of course – but she would also miss her school, Aurelia, her friends – and Liza herself. It was odd – Gwen had always been plagued with a desire to escape, to get away from the town but at last, she was starting to feel as though she was happy here. And it was mainly due to James. Like he had expanded her horizons.

She didn’t want to leave.

That evening, when she went back home, Liza was waiting for her. She gave her a brochure for the school – in any other circumstances, Gwen would have probably been happy to go, but she didn’t like being forced.

-          I called them up, Liza said. We’re going to leave next Friday, in the evening. We’ll spend the week-end in Portland, and you’ll start on Monday.

-          Next Friday ? Gwen exclaimed. That’s in a week ! Can’t you leave me time to say goodbye to people ?

-          A week is plenty of time. And you’ll come back every month – I promise, Liza added with a softer tone. This will be good for you. They have a great curriculum – they have photography courses. Remember how you said you wanted a camera …

-          Don’t, Gwen snapped. Don’t try to pretend like you’re doing this to make me happy, because you’re not. _I don’t want to go_. I don’t understand why you’re sending me away. I’m happy here – and you don’t even know James enough to…

-          Enough. The discussion is over.

Gwen took a deep breath, trying to calm her anger. Acting angry and outraged wouldn’t help her case – it would only make Liza think she was right, and that she was talking out of love for James. The teenage girl’s expression softened, and her eyes turned begging :

-          Please, Aunt Liza, she said. Please, don’t send me away. I want to stay here – can’t you trust me ? I’m not a child. I’ve always been more responsible than anybody my age…

-          I know, Liza said softly, sighing. I know. But this will be good, Gwen – you’ll see. And hey, look – just try it, all right ? If you really hate it there, we’ll talk about our options. All right ?

Gwen wanted to shake her head, protest, scream that no, it wasn’t all right, but Liza had softened, and she couldn’t risk ruining. Sighing, clenching her jaw, she nodded. Liza gave her a soft smile, kissed her forehead and went back to the living room.

The next day, Liza dragged Gwen with her to help her at the restaurant – something she hadn’t done in a while. Gwen was back on her tight schedule, and Liza was making sure she wasn’t getting a moment to herself. Gwen did her best to smile at the customers, but she kept thinking that in a week, she wouldn’t see all those familiar faces for an unknown amount of time. Christie, the beautiful dark-skinned waitress who always seemed to work too hard. Rach, the shy waiter who couldn’t seem to get out a word in front of Chrissie. The families that came to eat there every Saturday… the children, the parents, the couples…

Around nighttime, Gwen took a break, taking off her yellow apron as she made her way to the back door, leaning against the wall, sighing. Inside, she could hear some music – sometimes, Christie would put on some jazz in the evenings. Gwen felt tears well up in her eyes – she tried to tell herself she’d be back, that she wouldn’t leave for long. But to be honest, the idea of not seeing James for weeks, months made her sick. And even when she’d come back on weekends, Liza probably wouldn’t let her see him. She hated it – she hated being too weak to fight back. She was supposed to be stronger, bolder – but she only felt small and powerless against the situation.

She was wiping her eyes with her sleeve when she heard a whistle. She turned, frowning, and her heart skipped a beat. A familiar silhouette was walking towards her – she almost leapt forward, throwing her arms around James’ neck as he embraced her, his arms slipping around her waist.

-          James, Gwen sobbed.

-          Birdie. My little bird…

He buried his face in her neck, holding her tightly. She let out a shaky, happy laugh, a tear streaming down her cheek before she pulled away, looking around quickly.

-          I’m so sorry, she said, facing him again. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to you…

-          I know, James said, stroking her cheek, wiping her tear away. I know. Your friend told me. She said… she said that you were going away.

The slight break in his voice threatened to make her break into sobs, but she steeled herself, and nodded :

-          It’s true. Liza signed me up for boarding school, in Portland – we’re leaving Friday.

-          Friday ?

-          Yes, Gwen said. James, I’m sorry – I don’t know what to do. She said that if I hated it, maybe she’d let me come back here but I don’t know – I don’t want to leave you !

-          You won’t, James said firmly. You won’t – I _won’t_ let that happen. Ever. We’re going to be together, always.

-          But…

Her protests were silenced by his lips descending upon hers, and she immediately strengthened her grip on his neck, kissing him back hungrily. She felt him lift her up, pressing her back against the wall, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling the fire from their moments in the cabin ignite inside of her again. One of his hands gripped her thigh, and he murmured against her lips :

-          I won’t let you go. Ever.

She nodded, and tried to catch his lips again, but he pulled back, looking into her eyes seriously.

-          Say you believe it. Say you believe in me.

-          I do, Gwen said softly. I do. James… please…

He smirked slightly at her begging, but he obliged, kissing her again without waiting. She moaned against his mouth, which only seemed to encourage him. Distantly, she heard Christie call her name, and she groaned in frustration.

-          I have to go…

-          I’ll be back for you, James said. I’ll find a way – I promise.

-          Okay.

-          Wait for me. Believe.

-          I will.

And then, just like that, with a parting kiss, he was gone, and Gwen was left breathless, aching, full of hope and fear. She knew in that moment that her heart couldn’t bear to be parted from him now – she had no doubt he would find a way to keep them together, but the perspective scared her a little. She knew him to be ruthless at times.

And yet, what did it say about her that she didn’t care anymore, as long as she didn’t lose him ? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note : Don’t be too mad at Liza, okay ? Remember that under the curse, people make odd decisions. Also, you can guess that Felix manipulated her or at least, planted the boarding school idea in her head. Liza truly cares about Gwen.


	14. Of endings and beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Gwen come to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Smut ahead. No, I don’t know how it happened. Yes, I’m terrible at writing smut. No, it’s not very graphic. I apologize to all. It just happened.   
> Rating : NC-17 ?  
> Also, don't hate me for that ending.

On the next Monday, the whole school seemed to have heard that Gwen was leaving Storybrooke High School, and everybody wanted to talk to her, spend time with her before she left. A little overwhelmed, saddened, Gwen was still glad to walk back home alone, having a little time to herself to reflect. She hadn’t heard from James since Saturday, but she knew she needed to trust him.

She had caught a glimpse of Felix at school today. They hadn’t spoken. He’d simply looked at her in that mysterious way that was his, and had walked away. She'd stared after him a while, confused, but refusing to dwell on it. She had other matters in mind. 

As she started to walk home, someone soon caught up with her. It was Sean Cheree – Gwen gave him a wave and a smile.

-          Hey, she said.

-          Hi. Can I walk with you ?

-          Of course ! How are you doing, Sean ?

-          Fine, I guess. Is it true what people say ? You’re leaving ?

-          Yeah, Gwen said softly. It’s true.

-          You don’t seem too happy about it.

-          It’s an opportunity, Gwen sighed. It’s a really good school, but…

-          You’re leaving your friends behind. Your family.

-          Exactly.

-          That sucks. I hope things aren’t too bad over there.

-          Thank you.

They walked in silence until they reached Sean’s house. Gwen gave him a smile, and Sean waved at her. Gwen saw the door open, and she spotted Misha, his little brother, on the doorstep. He gave her a shy wave, and Gwen felt her heart clench in her chest as the door closed on them both.

She felt herself getting teary, and rolled her eyes at herself. How odd – after all, it wasn’t like she knew them well at all. Sean and her had struck a tentative friendship, and she hadn’t spoken to his little brother for a long while. She brushed her sadness aside before making her way back to her house.

That evening, while Liza was downstairs and Gwen was ready to get into bed, she heard a timid knock at the window. Quickly, her heart skipped a beat, and she ran to quietly lock her door, before moving to let James in. He didn’t even speak. He kissed her, his hands cupping her face.

-          I told you I’d be back, he whispered.

-          I know, Gwen said. But we have to be careful – my aunt…

-          I saw her through the window. She’s watching TV. And anyway, what more can she do to us ?

Gwen quietly closed the window, then ran to hug James tightly, kissing his neck tenderly.

-          I missed you, she whispered.

-          Me too.

Grabbing her hand, James led Gwen towards the bed, sitting down on it. Gwen turned down her light so Liza, if she walked by, would think her asleep. In the dark, she could see James’ gaze fixated on her. He took both her hands in his, then leaned forward.

-          Listen, he whispered. I figured it out – I know what we’re going to do.

-          You do ?

-          Yes. Your aunt wants you to leave Storybrooke – then we’ll leave.

-          We… we ?

-          Yes, James said, squeezing her hands, grinning. Let’s leave – together. There’s a bus that goes to the edge of town. Then, I can walk to another bus stop, outside ot town – and go to Portland from there.  

-          You… you want to come to Portland ? Gwen asked, confused.

-          Portland is just the start, James said, his excitement obvious. I’ll meet you there – I’ll sneak you out of this school. It will be easy. And then – we’ll run. We’ll go anywhere, anywhere we want – we’ll be _free_. It will be just you and me – that’s the way I want it. Isn’t that what you want ?

-          Well… yes, but…

-          Then say yes, James said. Let’s leave this town – let’s see the world. Don’t you wanna see the world ?

Gwen stared at James for a few seconds, her heart pounding in her chest, the enormity of what he was asking for barely dawning upon her. She was torn between excitement and fear – she did want to be with him. She did want to see the world. But there were so many things, so many things he wasn’t aware of… he didn’t realize the weight of adult life.

-          Yes, Gwen stammered. Of course I do – but James, we can’t just… just run away… my aunt will be worried sick…

-          Call her from the road. We’ll be far away – she won’t reach us.

-          The police could.

-          No, they won’t. I won’t let them. We’ll go to Europe – Paris… London…

-          But we’re teenagers ! James, we have no money !

-          We’ll worry about that later.

-          We can’t just worry about it later ! We’ll need money to eat – to sleep – to travel…

-          I’ll find some, then.

-          You can’t steal it, Gwen said, shaking her head, doing her best to keep her voice quiet despite her emotions. You can’t.

-          I won’t. I’ll do what I have to. Come on, birdie ! James whispered, pressing his lips to hers fervently. What else can we do ?

-          I’ll find money. I’ll ask Keith – he owes me enough. We’ll sleep outside – we’ll be free as birds…

-          James…

-          _Stop worrying_ ! James chided in a whisper. You read all those books, you talk about adventures – this is one. We won’t fail – I know we won’t. Love is enough – you’re the one who taught me that, remember ? I need you to _believe in me._ Please, birdie.

Gwen stared at James, feeling torn. What he spoke about sounded exciting, wonderful – Paris… _London_ … freedom, adventure, wasn’t this what she had wanted in the first place ? Yes, she would miss Storybrooke, but as he talked, she found herself longing, aching to leave, to spread her wings and fly out into the world. But it sounded like a dream, almost impossible, and she was afraid, so afraid he didn’t realize it…

-          But… school, she said weakly. And … and Aunt Liza, and…

-          Forget about school, James whispered, his gaze boring into hers as he brought her hand to his lips. Forget it, forget them, birdie – _forget them all_. Let’s run, he added vehemently. Let’s go somewhere – we’ll take off together. We’ll see the world. We’ll be together. We’ll get married, or something …

-          Married ? Gwen exclaimed, wide-eyed. James, we’re in _high school_ !

-          I’m so, so sick of high school. It’s like we’ve been there forever. I want to leave. I want to leave with you. I want you for myself, forever. I don’t want time to steal you away.

Gwen, speechless, gaped at him, torn between the strong desire to jump into his arms and say yes, and the need to cling to reality. James kissed her again, pulling her close to him, his lips descending to her neck.

-          Come on, birdie, he murmured. Just say yes. I know you want to…

-          James, Gwen moaned quietly. You’re not playing fair …

-          I know, James smirked, before leaning her down on the bed.

He climbed on top of her, and Gwen shivered, the knowledge that her aunt was downstairs very present in her mind. James ran his hands over her skin, underneath her nightgown.  

-          I missed you, he whispered. I missed this… I thought about you every day, all the time …

-          Me too, Gwen breathed. Me too…

James nibbled at her neck, and she bit her lip to stop herself from moaning – she was about to say that they couldn’t, not _now,_ not when her aunt was downstairs, but James’ hand slipped underneath her nightgown, running up her thigh, and she let out a sharp breath.

-          Do you want me to stop ?

-          No, Gwen said, closing her eyes. _No_.

-          But your aunt is downstairs, James said teasingly, his lips close to her ear. It would be so wrong, so risky… wouldn’t you say ?

-          Come on, James, Gwen retorted, opening her eyes with a playful air. What’s life without risk ?

James let out a quiet laugh, then started kissing her ear. Gwen bit her lip harder so she wouldn’t make any noise – but he was kissing her, touching her (and for some reason, the need to be quiet, discreet, only seemed to make everything more intense). Instead of worrying about what that said about her, Gwen closed her eyes, breathing heavily, helping James take off his coat before running her hand his hair, her fingers twisting in his curls.

Soon enough, he was pulling a little plastic wrapper from his pocket. He didn’t get undressed – he simply unzipped his pants and positioned himself between her legs.

While their first time had been hesitant, tender, uncertain, it was different this time. James buried his face against her neck to quiet his rough breathing : he was animalistic, intense, as though he was trying to bury himself inside of her, his hands twisting in the sheets on each side of Gwen’s head. She kept quiet, her mouth pressed against his shoulder. It was quick, needy, hungry – she could feel him struggle against the urge to moan. He released after a few minutes, his weight almost crushing her, but he didn’t stop moving, determined to bring her pleasure as well. A soft moan escaped her, and he crashed his lips upon hers as one of his hands reached between her legs. Soon enough, she arched her back and moaned against his lips, her whole body shuddering from pleasure.

-          Come with me, he repeated breathlessly, kissing her lips as her head fell back on the mattress. Stay with me, _birdie_.

-          James… she breathed out, swallowing as she tried to regain her breath.

-          You’ll think about it ?

-          Yes

He smiled tenderly, kissing her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, then her lips, before moving away from her. She remained unmoving for a few seconds, her chest heaving as she stared at the ceiling, her ecstasy still clinging to her body. It was as though nothing could worry, nothing could touch her.

-          Tomorrow, after school, James whispered in her ear. I’ll be there.

-          Liza’s picking me up…

-          I know. I’ll be on the sidewalk. If you’re coming, wear this in your hair.

Gwen looked up as James pulled from his jacket pocket, that was lying on the floor, a small green scarf. Gwen took it between her hands, then nodded.

The next day, as she tried not to let anything on (even to Aurelia, who she feared would try to stop her), she kept a straight face, running over the events of the previous night in her head. As she faced her locker, Gwen played absently with the scarf she was wearing around her neck : the day was flying by, and yet, she hadn’t been able to decide yet. She told herself this was an adventure. She told herself she couldn’t live without James, not now, not anymore. She couldn’t be parted from him.

He needed her too much.

But leaving like this seemed so… crazy. Impractical. Irresponsible. Impossible. It seemed like the sort of snap decision people regretted all the time.

Sighing, Gwen picked up her books, and closed her locker, only to notice a familiar silhouette was leaning beside it.

-          Hey.

-          Felix, Gwen said hesitantly. Hi.  

She glanced at him for a moment, feeling uncomfortable, oddly nervous. He just smiled, and tilted his head.

-          So, he said. I heard you were leaving town.

-          Yes, she said. I am. I’m leaving Friday.

-          Excited ?

-          Very, Gwen said automatically, keeping a straight face.

-          Good. It’s better for you.

Gwen frowned at Felix, biting her lip hesitantly.

-          That’s what my aunt thinks, she finally said.

-          Well, she’d be right.

-          Is that so ?

Felix looked back at Gwen : there was something in his eyes, something that set off Gwen’s suspicions. She paused, then asked, her voice hardening :

-          How did my aunt find out about James and I ?

Felix’s response was quick :

-          How would I know ?

-          Did you tell her ?

-          Why would you think that ?

-          I don’t know, Gwen said. I also don’t know why you tried to make me break up with James. In fact, I can’t say I understand _anything_ you do, Felix.

Felix chuckled slightly, crossing his arms, leaning against the lockers – in a manner that was frightfully close to James’ usual stance.

-           You don’t need to understand me, he said. I’m looking out for you, believe it or not. And for him.

-          I don’t believe that for one second.

-          Then you’d be wrong.

Gwen glared at Felix, her anger rising – he had told her aunt, she was growing more and more convinced of it by the second. Why was he so invested in her life, in her relationship with James ? And why, why did she feel as though he didn’t belong in Storybrooke and never had ?

-          Have fun in Portland, Felix finally said, smirking. Send me a postcard.

Gwen was about to tell him she might, that she might even send him a postcard from where James and she would be, but she didn’t. In that moment, as Felix walked away, she felt incredibly angry, wondering why everything seemed to be against her, against James. Everything seemed to twist unbelievably to pull them apart and it was that feeling, that idea of powerlessness that made her decide.

If the world was set on pulling them apart, she was going to fight back. Nobody decided her destiny but her.   
That day, after school, she wore the scarf in her hair. Across the street, she saw James : he kept a neutral face, but his eyes lit up, and a satisfied smirk appeared on his lips.

They were doing this.

That next day, when Gwen arrived at school, she found a little note stuck in her locker.

_I’ll follow you on Friday. On Monday, I’ll find you in the courtyard – I’ll get you out. Believe me._

Gwen crumpled the note quickly, but couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face.

She spent the week doing her very best to keep quiet. Her feelings of sadness about leaving were still there, but her excitement was growing, and she started imagining her travels with James, and future moments together on the road, on boats, in planes, in cars… seeing mountains, seas, rivers, endless skies …

She told nobody, not even Aurelia. She was afraid her friend would stop her, and she had promised herself to write her as soon as she could to reassure her about her safety. She felt guilty for keeping this from her, but she felt too light-headed, too giddy. She kept a resigned face in front of her aunt. She felt guilty about lying to her too, until she remembered that Aunt Liza had forced her into this.

This was madness, this was crazy, this was irresponsible, but Gwen had stopped caring. She’d been stuck, frozen in this town, in this life for too long now. She felt as though the smoke was about to clear.

On Friday morning, she bid goodbye to everyone at school. Aurelia hugged her goodbye tearfully. Everyone wished her luck and begged for postcards. The teachers were sad to see her go, but Gwen was no longer sad. She simply couldn’t wait to be in Portland, to spend a last week-end with her aunt before she found James again on Monday.

Liza picked her up during lunch. They drove through town to run a few errands. As Gwen waited for Liza outside the bank, smiling to herself about the future, she spotted James on the other side of the street. He was with Keith, and he hadn’t seen her yet. As Keith walked a little ways in front of him, James looked up, and met her eyes.

Immediately, Gwen felt herself smiling, and she had to keep herself from running through the street into his arms. She had to be patient, but her heart seemed to have grown wings at the sight of him. In this moment, she felt completely happy. Even her nervousness and her reservations weren’t enough to taint that.

In this instant, all their problems, everything that had always scared her about James, made her doubt him or fear him had evaporated. What she had mistaken had naivety turned out to have been truth: love had been enough. They had overcome everything. From their seeming incompatibility to his fear of love, from his recklessness to her constant worrying, from Felix’s sabotage to her aunt’s disapproval… none of that mattered anymore. They were together and Gwen truly believed, in that moment, that they would always be.

Gwen’s smile was soon mirrored on James’ face. It wasn’t a smirk – it was that tender, sincere smile that he reserved to her exclusively. Gwen shuddered when she heard the bank’s door open, and the gaze was broken when she turned back to see Aunt Liza. James looked away from her reluctantly, walking behind Keith. When Gwen looked back, they were both gone. But Gwen wasn’t sad : they would be together soon.

She spent the afternoon finishing her packing. Liza was happy to see Gwen smiling, believing that the girl was finally excited about the trip. During the evening, they were finally ready to go. Gwen glanced at the clock and she realized with excitement that James was probably on the bus right now.

Gwen kept a straight face, not letting on her excitement as she walked down the stairs, a suitcase in her hand. She looked at her aunt, who gave her a tentative smile before looking away, obviously still feeling guilty for snatching Gwen away from her life in Storybrooke.  Gwen felt a little bad for lying – but Aunt Liza wanted to tear her away from James, and she couldn’t stand that. She couldn’t let on her true intentions.

The trunk of the car was opened – Gwen slid her suitcase inside, and Aunt Liza closed it, before walking towards the driver’s seat. Gwen took a second to look at the house – she wouldn’t see it for a while. She’d miss Storybrooke, of course – but it wasn’t like she would be gone forever. She was going to come back. It wasn’t like James was going to hold her captive on the other side of the world. They’d travel, they’d be free – and then, someday, they would be back, and they would have a million stories to tell.

She steeled herself, torn between fear and excitement, and turned towards the car. Through the window, she could see Aunt Liza fasten her belt. Gwen was about to walk towards her door, ready to get into the passenger seat when suddenly, something powerful, earth-shattering, thrilling and scary hit her, making her stumble on her feet. Magic coursed through Storybrooke.

The curse was broken.

Wendy remembered. 


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

When the curse broke, the bus leading to the edge of Storybrooke stopped.  

People were waking up from a long slumber, taken over by memories, realizations. Soon, in a frenzy, they left the bus, running in the streets, in search of the loved ones they had been parted from for so long.

In his seat, Peter Pan didn’t move.

For a long moment, he sat there, staring ahead of him, the expression on his face slowly changing – the hopeful excitement James had been feeling soon faded away, replaced by Pan’s confusion and restlessness.

He was the last to get off the bus, still in a daze, his back slung over his shoulder. He looked around him. In the street, people were hugging, running, sobbing into each other’s names, calling out names he had never heard before. As he stared blankly ahead, trying to piece everything together, a chill in the wind made him turn, and his eyes fell upon a familiar silhouette.

-          You remember, Felix stated.

-          Yes. I do.

Felix smiled, but Peter didn’t. He felt dizzy, confused, as though he needed some time to get back into himself. His head was hurting, and everything felt unfamiliar.

-          You weren’t cursed, he said numbly, looking towards Felix. But you came.

-          I did. I came for you, Felix answered.

-          To take me home, Peter said slowly.

-          To take you home. But I couldn’t before now. You weren’t ready.

-          I wasn’t me anymore.

-          I know. But you are, now. Are you ready to go back ?

-          Can we ? Peter asked sharply.

Felix took a quick look around.

-          I don’t know, he admitted. The rules of this curse are strange, and unpredictable. I don’t know if we can leave this town, yet.

-          Let’s find out, then.

Felix’s smirk grew at the familiar commanding, determined tone of Peter’s voice. Pan straightened his back, as though he had only remembered how he used to stand. Like a chief. Like a leader. It felt good. Empowering.

-          What about the others ? Felix asked.

The _others_ – whose who had come from Neverland with him.

The Darlings. John. Michael.

_Wendy_.

The mere thought of her was almost unbearable to Pan in that moment. One hour ago, they had been James and Gwen. Ignorant, human, in love. He had been so willing, so eager to give his life to her, ignorant of who he truly was, of what he was bound to. The curse, and _her_ , had made him painfully, deliciously, atrociously human.

But despite his regained memory, despite the knowledge of his identity, the thought of her made his heart ache. He heard her laugh, heard her sweet words ring in his ear. He thought of her eyes, her soft hands, her lips – he remembered her naked, warm body against his ... he shuddered violently. 

He was no longer a boy.

She had ruined him.

_No_ , he thought ferociously. _He_ was in control of who he was. He was _Peter Pan_. James had been a veil, a curse.

He needed to go back to Neverland. The power of his belief could, _would_ undo this. 

-          Peter ?

Pan met Felix’s eyes, reading concern in them To anyone ese, Peter would never have shown vulnerability, but he trusted Felix as much as he could trust another. Felix was different. They had shared much that Peter would never forget. 

-          Nobody escapes Neverland without my permission, Peter said harshly. The Darlings will be dealt with.

He needed to find a way to go back home, to Neverland. It was the very essence of his being – where Wendy Darling fit into that would come later, because he knew, had known for a long time, that he needed to figure that out. He'd never ignored just how very dangerous she was to him.

Whether he would destroy her, forget her or find a way to love her, she would be dealt with.

Peter Pan had no doubt about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY !  
> So. Yep. That's it. What a ride.  
> FEAR NOT. There is a sequel planned. You might have to wait a while, but there will be one. I wouldn't leave it like that.  
> In that sequel, we'll deal with Peter and Wendy themselves. I plan to give you Neverland background, explanations as to why Peter, Wendy, John and Michael were cursed in the first place. You'll find out a lot about Peter and Wendy's prior relationship, and how it was before the curse. Some other characters will also come into play.  
> I'm not keeping Pan as Rumple's father, but I will keep some things from the OUAT Neverland arc. I hope everyone will be satisfied, eventually. The fic will still be very much Darling Pan, even though whether or not they'll end up together remains to be seen.  
> So, don't hate me for ending the fic like this ? I had planned this very ending from the absolute start, actually. It never changed.  
> Feel free to comment, rage at me or cry with me. I love you all, your support and comments have kept me writing and you've all been my inspiration throughout this fic writing !


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